Broken Child

i love you

"Y-you cant move out "
jolly said without thinking,  he wasn't thinking
he kind was busy thinking about some loud noise on his head, it bothered him, he cant let him go , right , he is feeling like this for the first time ever , he cant let him go, he can't let his lover move out , not like this, not right now , not when his lover never lived alone before, not when his lover is suicidal .
"Wh-why? I...I..  want.. to.. move out.."
Andy said innocently,  why did he not let him move out , will he keep him , will he force him to stay.
"Well... because... because..I.. I..."he looked desperate to speak his mind out he was shaking , why the hell was he shaking "because andy it's not safe, its its ... you have never been alone before" .
Wrong,  Andy was alone most of his life, he grew up alone, he cried alone, he faught with nightmares alone, he harmed himself alone, he walked empty streets alone. It scared him yes but he was determined to count on himself,  he want to be free
"But...I...I... want.. to.. be free .... try live alone... work ... and .... and ..  count on myself ... just ... l-like you and .. a-Alex "

.....

"I dont like this place,  Andy it's so f-freaking small" jolly complained about Andy's new appartment or more like 'room's he didnt like it one bit, but once he looked at Andy's face, he looked quite happy about this tiny room .
Andy was so happy with himself, he started working a while ago and now he moved to his new place,  'his' the first thing he ever done for himself, he was so proud
He wished that Alex was now with him, he would so happy with him.  so proud .
On one evening Andy bought a book as gift and wrote a letter and put it in between the book's pages, he then took his way to Alex's house with hope and happiness but also fear . Yesterday was Alex's birthday, but andy was working  all day, but he couldn't forget it.

"Can u help you" the woman  looked at him up and down. A blond tall woman , she was so beautiful,  andy thought. But who was she?
"Um, I'm..I.. um A-Alex ... I'm looking.. for Alex" he said nervously holding the small bag tightly with his hands
Alex then showed up hair wet like he just got out of the shower, his eyes widened when he saw Andy at his door,  but he quickly tried to hide his joy for seeing Andy's bright smile
"Wh-Andy what are you.... " he couldn't find the words  "why are you here ?"
Andy looked down fiddling with the bag he held, wasn't Alex happy to see him, was he still mad at him
"I... mi- wanted to.. see.. you.. I... I um..I... missed you... can ...can.. I come in ?Alex ran a hand through his wet hair and signed with frustration he needed to be strong now, he needed to step on his heart and do the opposite of what his head and heart telling him , he needs to keep Andy away from him, he was only hurting,  Alex was never good for him.
"No Andy you cant, tell me why you're here ?" His world crushed when he saw that sweet smile fall from his face. 
"You.. s..still m-mad at me ? I.. I'm sorry... Alex. ... I never meant.. to displease you... p-please forgive me Alex? Please?"
"Andy just leave. Okay leave " he said and planned his door shut trying hard to ignore the tears pooled in Andy's eyes,  and here he is still hurting him, while he only wanted to hug him and kiss him, he let his tears fall down when he fell  on the floor crying in his arms, te he heard a small
"H-happy bir-birthday Alex , I..  h-hope you like..  the gift, 'ts here... by.. the .. door"
"Oh my God Alex what happened?" Jessica ran to her friend when she heard him sobbing loudly,  she had never saw him this vulnerable and weak and shaking , he opened the door still on his knees and took the gift,  it was a book of his favorite author 'oscar Wilde's he held the book in his chest and cried even more, he is such a fuck up  thought . Such a loser, hurting the person he loves the most.

"I'm so good at writing now I guess, hi Alex it's me Andy, you know that.  I wrote this letter for you because I know I wouldn't be able to say the things I'm about to say in here to you, I remember how you once told me that you like writing than speaking,  because it makes you free to say what you want. I never forget your words Alex,  everyday I remember things you told me, you are the only person who taught me words, and meanings, books and music,  I cant be thankful enough for everything you've done for me, I know I'm a mess and I know I gave you hard times, and I'm sorry. I know I messed up and ruined your things that day, but I care about you so much and I was worried because you were drinking so much, alex I never meant to make angry. You are the last person I want to anger, you mean so much to me and I miss you much it hurts,  it hurts thinking that you hate me , that you dont want me anymore. I really hope this letter will bring us back together,  you once told me that words are so powerful they can bring you anything you want, and I want us back to where we were before all happened.
Happy birthday my favorite person in the world.
Andy"
"I'm sorry andy I'm sorry I love you so much , I love you , I love you " he held the letter for dear life he cried a d couldn't hold himself his head hit the floor desperately trying to take the pain out, "I'm sorry Andy, I'm not mad at you im not,  I love you. But i cant hurt you anymore i cant forgive myself i cant i can't

...

Poor Alex...

Let me guys know what you think

Be safe