Broken Child

he is real

Skinny figure, red eyes and dark circles and chapped pale lips, Alex tried to focus on the boy's eyes but he couldn't help but stare at him up and down, from his bare feet, to his black ripped Jean, and his black oversized shirt on top of a black  turtleneck shirt, all in black making him look even paler then he already is.
Then he focused on his fading blue long hair that is stuck on his forehead and cheeks. Then he noticed the small wince he did when he caught him pressing the cigarette in his hand, trying to poorly hide it.
Many feelings came up to him in such a small time, first was sadness at the sight in front of him,  then rage , and then  pity and lastly,  regret .
"Are you okay Andy?" Said Jolly breaking the awkward silence waking both of them from their freezing bodys.
Andy looked down at himself, glad he is wearing a clean shirt, he then threw his hand on his hair and tucked the locks behind his ears  to make himslef  appear at least a little bit better than his everyday messed up look.
Jolly looked between them and sighed
"Alright,  I...uh.. I'm leaving you two to talk."
Clearing his throat Alex said hesitantly
"Can.. we um.. can we sit and talk Andy?"
Trying quickly to hide the cigarette in his back pocket and Nodding , Andy passed him to the poor old couch to clean the mess up and make room for them to sit, it was so dirty and he was so embarrassed
"S-sorry 'bout th-the.. m-m-mess " he whispered taking the papers and the books and put them on the table with trembling hands, wincing whenever the new cigarette burn touches the items .
Running to him, Alex took the books from his cold shaking hands "it's okay Andy,  please , just sit, sit down yeah ? I don't care about the mess."
Sitting in front of him, Alex noticed how nervous and anxious Andy is, he was twisting and turning on his fingers and hands, a habit of him. Alex smiled to himself  "some things never change, they said,  I guess they were right" he said gaining the smaller's attention "please Andy,  stop torturing your fingers"
His attention was back to his hands, so he quickly put them under his thighs. And focused back on the man in front of him yet still not being table to look at him in the eyes.
"I.. I know.. Andy that .. that you are wondering why I'm here now.. and .. after all this time" he sighed looking at him then to his sweating hands
"The thing is Andy , all this time, I was making... I was preparing myself for this day." Taking a deep breath, gaining more courage he continued " I was healing, I was trying to put myself together, I went to rehab for my stupid alcoholism and I went to therapy for some anger control. All this because... because I wanted so bad to see you and to apologize to you.." standing up and approaching the siting Andy, he fell on his knees in front of him, holding his pale hands.
Andy's eyes widened, panic written in his face, he tried making Alex stand "wh-what are.. pl-please stand.." he stuttered.  only to be met with Alex's wide hands calming him
"No Andy please sit and let me do this,  please hear me out yeah?"
Andy bit his lower lip and looked down at his thighs not being able to look at Alex kneeling before his feet. He never saw Alex this nervous and anxious, he didnt want to see Alex in this position,  making him look so weak, vulnerable and submissive. Andy's messed up mind told him that he is the only one who has to be in this position not someone like Alex.
"I want to apologize to you properly, for.. everything I have done to you"he said while holding a sob and tears falling like rivers on his cheeks
"I was an asshole, I let you down and i pushed you away, I... I broke all of my promises. I hurt you so bad, and you trusted me, I was selfish, I didn't think of you, and of how all of that would effect you, I...let you down,  I sent you away, I didnt listen to you, I hit you and assaulted you, even though I was the one who promised to protect you and to never hurt you..." he voice broke and he sobbed hard and cried his heart out.
"I'm here now, and I am begging you Andy to forgive me. Please. Please. Forgive me, I know I messed up, and I let you down, and I... I I don't deserve your forgiveness even. But please" his voice broke,  he held Andy's cold hands and pressed them to his mouth kissing them repeatedly while mumbling apologizes, "Andy please let me back into your life please, let me back in , please accept me back into your life, please.. please " he looked up at him, meeting his teary eyes. Andy was lost in his head. He tried forming words but he couldn't,  he tried saying what was in his head but he just found it so hard to explain to the man in front of him, that, he is the one who is sorry, because of him, Alex lost his father,  because of him Alex got back in drinking. And also because of him, Alex lost his cousin Will. He couldnt even look at Alex in the eye, he would hate him forever if he finds out about Will.
Andy was never mad at Alex for what he did to him. Shaking his head "I..  I.was never.. m-mad at you...I'm sorry"
Alex sat up next to him and wipped his teary face "you have the right to be mad at me, you have the right to hate me even, Andy.  Look at me , it's okay if you don't want to forgive me you dont have to, god I dont even forgive myself."
Alex met the younger's eyes "do you forgive me Andy?"
Andy only nodded his head a closed his eyes as he was put closer on Alex's chest. He then noticed that, thai isnt a dream or anything, this is real, Alex is really hear and he is real.

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