I'm Fine [P.JM + K.TH]

Ch 1: Jimin

Stop it Jimin. Stop crying over Jungkook

Jungkook is happier now and you should be too

Sometimes I can't stop the tears. They come to me every night, reminding me of why the pain has never gone away. Jungkook was gone and I needed to move on. I needed to look forward to my last year in school.

 I couldn't dwell on the past anymore.

Stop it Jimin.  Stop yearning over Jungkook

I found myself yearning for his touch every night. I wanted his hands to touch my body like they used to. It was always painful to wake up to nothing and I needed that feeling on my body again. 

I needed to be touched again.

Stop it Jimin. Stop thinking about Jungkook 

I found myself thinking less and less of Jungkook. It was scary because Jungkook was my entire world. The first month after he died, I found it hard to breath. The second month, I thought about him every day. Eventually the third month, my thoughts of Jungkook began to fade. I constantly reminded myself that Jungkook was gone and I had moved on.

 Stop it Jimin. Stop hurting yourself

If Jungkook were here, he'd be very upset

I'm a monster. 

My old habit of cutting came back to me. The loneliness was too much to bear and I needed that special 'friend' to keep me company. I felt so ashamed of myself. 

Jungkook wouldn't want me to do it but he didn't understand that I was lost without him.

Stop it Jimin. Stop burring yourself in your own guilt.

I'm not guilty, I'm just numb

Wake up Jimin. 

Jungkook is gone and It's time to move on 

Buzz-Buzz

My heavy eye-lids slowly opened to the annoying sound of my alarm clock. It was six fucking thirty in the morning.

On a Monday.

My first fucking day of senior year.

Without Jungkook

I slowly sat up and glanced around the room. Clothes, shoes and books littered the once clean floor. The smell of the ocean was the only thing that was comforting to wake up too. The truth was it wasn't my room.

It used to be Jungkook's until he passed away.

I lived in Jungkook's house, I slept Jungkook's room and sometimes I'd wear his clothes just to get the smell of him. I'd do everything and anything just to remind myself of Jungkook but when I remembered that Jungkook was gone and never coming back, all the memories of him start to fade away.

"Jimin, breakfast will be ready soon!" I heard Jin-hyung, Jungkook's cousin call out.

"Jimin you don't want to miss the first day of senior year" Namjoon- hyung remarked as he passed by the room. 

I emitted a low groan as I threw my legs over the side of my bed and shuffled my way into the bathroom. The cold tile beneath my feet sent morning shivers up my spine.

I turned on the shower and waited for the warm water to come. As I waited, I took a good look at myself in the mirror and cringed.

A monster

A mother fucking monster looked right back at me.

I had grown a few inches over the summer, which was a plus because with my height I gained some amount of lean muscle. My hair had gotten longer, but not too long. My skin was as pale as ever and those brown eyes looked lost. 

The only biggest disgrace about the monster in the mirror was the reminders on my arms.

My scars

My little fucking imperfections

"Jimin! Hurry up!" Jin called out again.

"Alright!" I called back as I entered the shower, allowing the warm water to swallow me whole.

----

After five minutes of taking a shower, two minutes of getting dressed and three minutes of eating pancakes with milk, I was out the door.

"Have fun in school Jimin!" Jin called out from the passenger side of his H2 Hummer. Namjoon and Jin worked in the same company so they drove to work every day together.

I waved them goodbye and opened the door to my Nissan Sentra. It wasn't a high class car but it was something for me to get to school, to work and back home. Plus it was my little escape from reality car. I slipped into the driver's seat and revved up the engine, allowing time to pass as I then backed out of the driveway and drove off.

It was an initial instinct for me to return to my old neighborhood where I once grew up in. I even saw my old house and the painful memories instantly flooded my mind. The beatings, the yelling, and the names my father bestowed on me. I cringed at all those thoughts of my parents but that was all in the past.

My father was dead.

My mother was in rehab.

I shook off those awful memories and stopped in front of a familiar house.

"Jimin! My little mochi!" Jisoo shouted.

I smiled deeply as I got out of the car and opened my arms out for a hug. Jisoo threw herself on me and squeezed me hard. "You look nice." I said as I examined her.

She really did change over the summer. She no longer wore all those ridiculous piercings on her face. She only had piercings on her eyebrow and her lip. She even cut her hair to be just above her shoulders. The only thing that hasn't changed about her was her black outfits and that spontaneous personality.

"Oh! You're such a dear" she cooed playfully. "But you definitely changed! My god your fucking taller than me!" she whined as she tried to match our heights. "And were the fuck did you get all that muscle?" she asked as she pressed her palm against my abs.

I chuckled to her touch and shrugged. "I guess it came with the price for growing." I said.

Jisoo smiled mischievously and poked my gut. "I wonder what else grew?" she beamed.

"Shut up and get in the car." I teased.

"Oh daddy you don't have to tell me twice." She winked playfully. 

----

The drive to school only took ten minutes. I parked the car near a tree and hopped out, Jisoo was already at my side as we both stared at the building.

"New grade, new year but same old school with the same old whores." Jisoo sighed as she looked at me. "You ready for this?" she asked. I could sense the double meaning behind that.

This would be my last year of high school without Jungkook.

I exhaled a deep breath as I slung my back pack over my shoulder and grabbed Jisoo's hand. "Yeah, let's do it." I whispered.

Here I go again.