(FHS#2) You better watch out, you better not cry, and you better not fall cuz the f*ckboys just waged a war against Filimon Height's one and only sorority.
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I gripped the steering wheel tighter as memories of him came flooding back my mind.
His gentle smile, his kind and sweet gestures, and the promises he made—all of it are coming back, ripping the heart I tried so hard to patch up after all these years, after he destroyed it.
I was okay. I was finally okay. I was finally healed from all the pain he caused me. But why did he had to come back? Why show up all of a sudden and break my heart all over again?
I took a deep breath as I drove faster along the empty highway, in the middle of the night. Surrounded with trees and only my headlights illuminating the way, my heart grew heavier by the second as more buried memories kept surfacing.
"You're okay.. You're okay..." I kept whispering to myself over and over again, biting my lips as I tried to remain calm. And when that didn't work, I placed my other trembling hand on my chest and patted it lightly, trying to pacify it's insolent beating.
I took a deep breath once more and placed my other hand back on the steering wheel. My chest is moving up and down as I hit the gas one more time, driving faster, way ahead the supposed speed limit.
I sat back as I drove beyond the limitations recklessly. I could even hear my car make a zooming sound, but I was too preoccupied with the memories in my mind to give a single damn.
I felt warm tears flooding down my cheeks and that's when I hit the breaks, sending me forward violently along. But still, that wasn't enough to distract my heart. It continued to beat rapidly, to hurt sharply.
All my pain manifested into a sharp scream. I screamed over and over again as I cried, slapping my hand on the dashboard.
I found myself gasping for air as tears continued to stream down my face. But that's when I also noticed my cellphone ringing, continuously. I ignored it as I continued to catch my breath, wiping my tears with my trembling hands. But the ringing continued and I had no other choice but to answer.
"Philbert, I need your advice on this one. There's this pretty hot girl in the bar I want to smash, she obviously wants to smash too, kaso mukha siyang high school pa. I asked and she's only 17, next month pa ang birthday niya. Makukulong ba ako kung ngayon ko siya ika-kama o next month nalang pag 18 na talaga siya?" It was Cohen from the other line. He sounded drunk and in a lot of fun, I could even hear muffled EDM music on the background like he's probably in his office again.
Cohen's words didn't really register on my mind. All of me was still focused on the fact that I just saw Apollo after three damn years again. Hindi ko na talaga mapigilan ang sarili kong mga hikbi at paghangos, hinahayaan ko nalang ang mga luha ko sa pag-agos.
"Teka, umiiyak ka ba?" Cohen suddenly blurted out.
Instead of answering, I took a deep breath and wiped my tears.
"Piper, ba't ka umiiyak?!" He yelled.
I looked up as I closed my eyes and answered, "H-he's back. A-Apollo's back in Filimon Heights...."
All of a sudden, there was silence on the other line but I could still hear Cohen's breathing.
"Ba't ganun? Ba't pa siya bumalik? Okay na ako eh... Okay na sana ako eh... Bakit ang sakit sakit parin? I thought I was finally okay but when I saw him again... every bit of pain came back." I placed my hand on my chest as I pounded it over and over again with my still trembling hand.
"Nagkita kayo?" Cohen asked. "Anong ginawa mo?" Dagdag pa niya. He sounded bored... I don't know.
"I punched him...." Natawa ako pero mas lalo pang naiyak.
"You what?" Tumawa bigla si Cohen sa kabilang linya kaya mas lalo rin akong natawa. "You really punched him? Damn, Piper! What did you do next?"
I bit my lips. "I ran away..."
"Atta girl!" Humalakhak siya.
"Cohen this isn't funny..." Mas lalo akong naiyak sa di malamang dahilan.
"Ano? Babalikan mo na siya?" Patawa-tawa niyang sambit.
"Ayoko na..." I shook my head as I cried. "Seeing him again made me realize that I miss him so bad... that after all these years, it's still him... pero ayoko na. My heart is still beating insolently for him but I don't want to get hurt anymore..."
"Cohen, Cohen anong gagawin ko?" I cried as I added.
I heard him sigh from the other line. "Fck you, Philbert. All I wanted was to ask whether I should fck a minor but I'm here caught in your damn business." He sighed again and cursed a little. "Just play it cool, Phil. Just... downplay shit as a joke. It's not like he gives fck about you anymore. "
Cohen's last sentence felt like salt to my wounds. Apollo doesn't care anymore...
"Look, I know Apollo. He probably fcked so many girls in his three years in New York. He probably gave them the same promises he gave you---"
"Cohen!" I screamed to shut him up. Just thinking about Apollo messing around with some girls while I was here patiently waiting for him is breaking my heart all the more. I don't want to believe Cohen even if he's been telling me bad things about Apollo throughout the years because despite of everything, I still want to believe that Apollo is as good as I thought he was.
"All I'm saying is that don't let him know you're still affected. It's been three years already, just say it's puppy love and all that shit. Trust me, Philbert. You're safer that way."
