LOST IDENTITY

Chapter Nine

TASNEEM

As you grow up, things that don't make sense to you at all will start making sense. The things you once thought are the most important in your life becomes insignificant and then you start to see the world in a different light with sentiments. You learn to trust less but in my own case I learn to care less about what others think about me even though that means losing my identity as a person.

You know when someone asks about you as a person you usually tell them that you're this and that, then the things you love doing, your passion and dreams and your general outlook on life. But what if what you say always contradicts what people think and say about you? That means you have no identity as a person because you can't be this and that at the same time .

There is some kind of pain that goes hand in hand with being misunderstood and judged by so many people that makes you have doubts in your self, words that gnaw at you and make you wonder whether you are really that person they paint you to be but your mind is playing tricks on you. It is like I am two Tasneems in exact places anytime someone says something bad about me.

I should be happy that I came first in my class and have been called out on the assembly ground but it makes me hate the fact that I am brilliant which makes me manage to come first even after missing the tests because I was sick. Maryam is on cloud nine feeling proud and what not that I made it to the top three. I wish I can give her the marks. Afnan is sending me hard hateful looks which I've learned to ignore.

" How comes you manage to come first? Are you dating the class master ?" She said gritting her teeth.

I chose not to answer her because what she is suggesting is utterly ridiculous. Its absurd to even think about dating my form teacher for marks. I am just fourteen Years old and I guess the form master is also reasonable enough not to date a minor like me.

" I hate you for being such a proud bitch" she yelled banging her desk getting the attention of all the class members congratulations girl! You get what you wanted now what ?

I didn't spare her a glance partly because I didn't want her to see my tear filled eyes and partly because her face is the last thing I want to have a glance at.

" Who do you think you're ehh? Just because I've been keeping quite for the past few weeks doesn't mean I'm okay with all the things you have been doing. You're a nobody Tasneem Marwan because I heard that even your mother doesn't love you then who on earth do you think will love you ?" She said yanking me off by my hijab.

Yah rabbi give me the patience to endure all  this. Don't let me lose my temper.

" Hypocrite ! Always acting calm and collected while you're just a worthless cunning cunt " She continued Still holding me by my hijab. As if on cue our form teacher come in.

" What is happening here ? Afnan let go of her before I give you the beating of your life right this moment ! What type of none sense is this? " .

" I will tell you what is happening sir " Maryam raised her hands from the back where her seat is .

Our form teacher nodded and Maryam narrated all the hurtful things everyone has heard to him.

" This is serious! Unbelievable!! Are you insane ?" He asked vigorously shaking his head in annoyance and disbelief that she called me names .

" Is that what happened ? " he asked the class in general to which their are two sects. One for me and one against me.

Those girls that are in team Tasneem admitted that whatever Maryam said is true . while the others countered Maryam's statement saying that I started the fight by calling her names too. But then when they are asked what are the exact hurtful words I said they started stammering.