LOST IDENTITY

Chapter Fourteen

TASNEEM

It turned out that I'm suffering from PTSD or whatever. Aunty Hadiza looked so pale upon hearing the news you might think she just escaped from the morgue. Poor soul, this is what she gets for taking me up. I'm no good news to anyone.

"What can we do to make it all better for her ?" She asked sounding scared and hopeful. I want to be as optimistic as her someday, when I grow up.

"I'll prescribe some anti depressants,  you should try and make her happy and at ease.  Don't let her think too much about depressing topics ..." He went on and on and on,  till I zoned out. I'm not the kind to just hate or dislike someone even if they aren't good to me,  but by Allah, I just officially dislike the doctor and definitely hate the hospital for a gazillion reasons. Not been able to talk is gonna be fun yeah?.

They keep on ranting my ears off about how I need to calm down and let go. How I should trust them to love me so much it will be dreamlike for me. How they can't stop trying to make me feel at home,  because their home is now mine and they welcome me with open arms and hearts with acceptance and thankfulness.

I want to just tell them to shut up, tell them that my ears and heart are aching, listening to all those lies,  but my voice that refused to be heard defied me, so I chose to close my eyes and pretend to be in a deep slumber. Flashes and images of Abba and Umma arguing in my room,  Zaheera and Adeel crying,  begging me to not go, and Abba's grief stricken face saying sorry hunted me for days.

I texted Maryam three days after she's back home to let her know that I am not living in the given address to my house,  but rather Aunty Hadiza's. She doesn't have a phone either so literally,  I texted Mamma. Her reply came two hours later and in those two hours Aunty Hadiza didn't ask me to return her phone. They have been extra nice and sweet. I get what I want even before jotting it down which is my new form of communication.

I went to your house and found your mom. I'm sorry to say, but she acted rudely. Text me your address please. I want to come see you ASAP.

Typical Maryam. Her response made me smile genuinely. After I texted her, I return Aunty Hadiza's phone to her.

"Are you done ?" I nodded yes.

" What type of brand do you fancy? We will buy a new phone for you later in shaa Allah,  when your uncle is back " she said and I nodded. At least I will be less lonely with a phone. I can't wait to download some eBooks.

I pantomimed a thank you and left. I flopped in bed and squealed out loud. Surprisingly my voice came out. Aunty Hadiza come running to my room like she's being chased by a hyena.

"Alhamdulillah Tasneem! Did you just make a sound ?" She excitedly ask checking me out.

"Yes, I think so " I mumbled in a small voice.

"Ohh Allah !! Thank you so much, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. You have no idea how happy I am right now,  Alhamdulillah." With shaky hands, she called her husband telling him the good news. He said he's on his way back and almost home.

**

Four days later,  I told Aunty Hadiza to get off my neck. She makes me talk each passing minute. Her defence? To make sure that I haven't relapsed back to my former state of muteness.  As promised,  I got my phone which is the latest brand of Samsung Galaxy. They are being real about spoiling me rotten.

I decided to call Mamma today. She picked at the fifth ring.

"Assalamu Alaikum " She greeted.

"Wa'alaikissalam Mamma good afternoon" I replied.