LOST IDENTITY

Chapter Two

TASNEEM

From that day onwards my siblings started treating me differently. When it is time for Islamiyyah which is a walking distance from home Zaheera will hold my hands like her life depends on them and won't let go until we reach the school gate.

"Bye Adda Tee." She will wave me off with a goofy grin on her face.

"Bye Zahee don't do anything I won't do " I will wink at her before going into the class where the hateful stares come from every angle.

There's another thing you should know about me. I am not popular with people no matter how hard I try they see me as miss goody too shoes and a snob. They hated my guts and the fact that I hate talking and hardly go out of my comfort zone. I will smile at them but it is always returned with a glare or a hiss. They point fingers at me. Say mean things, labelled me as a proud miss perfectionist. I never bother myself about them because no matter what will happen I always strive to be the better person. I will not say anything mean against them because that will be hypocritical of me.

Jalila is the only person who talks to me in class and I'm okay with that. There's no way I will force them to associate with me. Besides I don't feel comfortable around people.

She asked whether I've done my tafseer assignment which I answered in the affirmative before bringing out my Quran listening to her recite her hadda before the mu'allim comes in. It has always been our tradition to do that before classes begin.

I looked at Jalila with a smile saying "Masha Allah someone has escaped six strokes of cane today. Its my turn now " I passed her my Quran.

" Tasneem you just want to rub it off on my face that you're a genius. I can swear that you've perfected your hadda as always. Let me be with the little pride I have left " she huffed out in mock annoyance which I'm certain didn't reach her heart. It has always been like this with us. She will complain but nonetheless listen to my recitation. Her defence is that she can't say no to me and my blackmailing sweet smile which I didn't know exists.

Jalila was telling me about how her grandma is making her life miserable at home with her incessant nagging and complaints while I listen to her with keen interest smiling when she says something funny and shaking my head when she says something mean.

" Do you know why people don't like you Tasneem? " Jalila suddenly ask me in the middle of her story.

I just shook my head feeling a certain ache in my heart.

" I am sorry but to be honest you should at least try and talk to people. Just imagine! I've been talking nonstop telling you a story but all you could do is smile and shake your head like an agama lizard at me " her eyes and the tone of her voice portrayed how she feels. I held her hands in mine. Feeling remorseful. I know that she's trying to be nice to me and the things people always say about me get to her too. I can't afford to lose her but what can I do? It is not like I chose to be an introvert.

" I am sorry Jalila. It's in my nature to be acting this way. I have so many things to say but am always afraid to voice them out but I promise to try for your sake " I apologized sincerely feeling like am going to lose yet another friend.

" it's okay Tasneem but please try" she smiled at me.

The mu'allim came in and before you know it it's already closing time. We said the usual prayers taught to us by our teachers before scrambling out of our seats everyone in a hurry to reach home before Maghrib.

I said goodbye to Jalila who handed me something in a polythene bag. Before I could ask her or thank her she is nowhere to be seen. That was so typical of her so it didn't come as a surprise to me.