LOST IDENTITY

Chapter Eleven

I love typing but obviously hate editing. It frustrates me and I hardly notice the goofs until after I published a chapter. So, my dearest darlings, the only lemon tsami in my lipton, just assume the correct word, or sentence, or punctuation mark whenever you see something out of place. Humylash ta gode.

MUKARRAM

Sleep eluded me which didn't come as a surprise. I tried to keep calm and not think of the past but all attempts seem futile until I remembered a book given to me by Ahmad titled don't be sad. I know that the things in that book will make me forget and bury my past like it never happened, because I once read some of the contents and it's indeed  helpful. Taking  it out from the shelf I skim through the first few pages till I found what I am looking for:

The Past is Gone Forever.

By brooding over the past and its tragedies one evinces a form of insanity- a kind of sickness that destroys resolve to live for the present moment. Those who have a firm purpose have filed away and forgotten occurrences of the past , which will never see the light again since they occupy such a dark place in the recesses of the mind. Episodes of the past are finished with; sadness cannot retrieve them, melancholy cannot make things right, and depression will never bring the past back to life. This is because the past is nonexistent.

Do not live in the nightmares of former times or under the shade of what you have missed. Save yourself from the ghostly apparition of the past. Do you think that you can return the sun to its place of rising,  the baby to its mother's womb,  milk to the udder, or tears to the eye? By constantly dwelling on the past and its happenings you place yourself in a very frightful and tragic state of  mind.

Reading too much into the past is a waste of the present. When Allah mentioned the affairs of the previous nations He said :

{That was a nation who passed away}          (Qur'an 2:134).

Former days are gone and done with, and you benefit nothing by carrying an autopsy over them by turning back the wheels of history.

The person who lives in the past is like someone who tries to see sawdust. Of old they used to say: Do not remove the dead from their graves.

Our tragedy is that we are incapable of dealing with the present : neglecting our beautiful castles, we wail over dilapidated buildings. If every man and every  jinn were to try jointly to bring back the past they would fail because that is an impossibility. Everything on earth marches forward preparing for a new season- and so should you.

-Don't be sad Aaidh Ibn Abdullah Al-Qarni..

I closed the book with a sigh knowing that I've gotten what I wanted and read what I needed to assure me that it is okay to let go of the past. What my parents did  to me for whatever reason they might have is gone and Alhamdulillah I've found the light and a greater purpose in life. I still did not forgive them,  neither will I ever forget the neglect and everything but I will not dwell in the past no more. I will move on with my life like that chapter never  happened.

With a heavy sigh, I did my abandoned schedules listening to the recitation of the Quran which helps a lot in calming me down. My phone started ringing and I picked not bothering to look at the caller ID thinking that only Ahmad can call me this late.

" Assalamu alaikum Mamma's boy " I greeted with a husky  voice.

" Mukarram,  it's me, your father "

I did a double take before checking the screen of my phone.

" Ohh I'm sorry, I didn't check the caller ID " I stuttered suddenly taken aback. Here I am trying to forget the past and the past has called me this late at night.