LOST IDENTITY

Chapter Thirty

This chapter might be short or long or in-between I don't know. But after this be sure to not expect an update for like two weeks. I'll be travelling in shaa Allah but when I'm back you'll get your frequent updates.

TASNEEM
I cried so hard till the throbbing ache becomes dull and I have no more tears to shed. Ummi had been banging after intervals to which I totally ignored. Having had enough of it already she used the spare key and barged into my room.

"Haba Tasneem! Do you want to kill yourself? Why did you even tell him that for God's sake? Why do you think you have no chance at love why? " she cocooned me in her arms rocking me back and forth and her voice showed no sign that she's mad at me.

"How did you know that I told him the truth? " I croaked still in her arms.

"He came in looking so shocked and in a trance. He told me to tell you that he doesn't care about that and he is not going to let you go unless it's Islamically forbidden to marry you. Ahmad is also worried even though he is oblivious " she narrated patting my head gently.

"It's better this way Ummi. I don't want to taint his lineage with my bad blood. Don't you think that even if he accepts me for the bastard that I am his family never will? What if we end up having a child that will whore around like my mother because our mu'allim told us that this kind of thing is hereditary?"

"Why are you such a pessimist? You didn't chose this life for yourself. You didn't chose Binta to be your mother and you definitely didn't do anything wrong to deserve any kind of punishment from our Merciful Lord. If anything goes wrong in your life then it's a test not a punishment for a crime you never commit. You're right about what you said but prayer changes everything so you have to pray for khair not what you think is good or bad for you.

You're more than good enough to anyone who deserves you Tasneem and I think Mukarram is that one. Wipe your tears my dear and keep praying nothing bad will happen to you in shaa Allah because you're a good girl with a good heart and you never disobey your Lord" she consoled.

I nodded with a forced smile before wiping my eyes. "I need to pee" I said getting up from the bed.

"Okay dear, Come out when you're done. I've made your favorite meal" God! I love Ummi so much because she knows how to make me feel better all the time.

The food did lighten my mood a little but the pain in my heart intensifies by the minute. Abbi came back earlier than expected with a tube of ice cream and he tried to crack pathetic jokes just to make me laugh. I know that she only told him that I am sad because she never tell him anything concerning me unless if I give her the permission to do that which I appreciate a lot.

"TasTas what's up with the grumpy puffy face? " He asked after finishing his dinner.

"Nothing" I replied with a clipped tone.

"Please tell me okay? I'm here and I promise to try my best to make you feel better"

After much cajoling and soothing words I told him everything that happened during the day in his absence and he listened attentively.

"Poor child. I can't say that I understand how you feel because I'm not in your shoes but if I'm to put myself in your shoes then that will definitely hurt a lot. Just continue praying to Allah and stop chasing him away. This is something you are not supposed to share with just anyone because people will use that against you. When the time comes for this to be revealed your Abba and I will do that.