All Grown Up: The Story of Jacob and Renesmee Part I

Go Time

Renesmee

"Remember to hold onto the railing," I reminded Anthony as we went downstairs for breakfast.

Anthony and I spent most of the morning reading books and watching Finding Nemo. His room looked so perfect and so him. He could play in there all day but he needed to get something in his tummy. I was feeling less than okay today. I felt achy and tired and just overall gross. It didn't help that I was feeling a little moody. I was really trying to keep being positive and not be short with Anthony, I couldn't sour his mood with mine.

It would be much faster getting down the stairs holding Anthony but I really didn't want my back to hurt more. So I'd just walk slowly with him until we reached the bottom. Jake just left for work and would come back after lunch. And my parents were going to drop by to play with Anthony and give me a break. I got a small bowl and made oatmeal for Anthony since I really wasn't in the mood to make breakfast. He was at his little art table, practicing spelling his name. He is just so smart. When his oatmeal cooled down enough, I gave him his bowl with a spoonful of sugar and he thanked me before digging in.

I got myself a glass of blood and sat on the dining chair to watch Anthony. My little thumper was moving a lot now and I felt it a lot more. As much as I loved feeling him move, it was getting to be a bit uncomfortable. He was running out of room in there and the tightening would happen. I just felt so drained and I hated it.  I wanted to play with Anthony and do all the things I used to be able to do but I couldn't. All I am now is just this tired, emotional pregnant being. I'm so happy to be having my precious little baby but I wanted to be able to do more! I didn't even notice that I was crying into my cup of blood until Anthony wrapped his arms around me as far as they could go.

"Mommy sad?" he frowned a little and looked at me.

"I'm sorry," I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, "I am just a little sad."

"Why?" he asked.

"Well... I just..." I began, "Mommy just wishes that she could do more but it's hard right now."

"Oh," he said, giving me a squeeze, "It's okay, Mommy."

I leaned down and kissed his hair and gave him a squeeze, "You're the most thoughtful, my love. I love you forever."

"I love you," he smiled.

My parents came in after and Daddy whispered something into Mom's ear and she came right to me, Anthony ran to my dad's arms.

"Ed!" he squealed.

"Hey," Mom said as she took my hand in her's.

"Dad told you, huh."

She nodded, "Let's go outside with the wolves."

"Okay," I got up and went to get my sweater from the laundry room.

We sat out on the porch and Ophelia came up and laid down on my feet after we gave her and her brothers a scratch behind their ears. It was a cold morning but it felt good to have some fresh air.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mom started.

I looked down at my lap and nodded, "I feel like a crap mom right now. I'm having a really bad day and I just feel so overwhelmed. I want to do more with Anthony and my body just can't!"

"You are not a crap mother, Renesmee. He adores you," she pulled me into her arms, "You have to remember that even though your pregnancy is closer to a human pregnancy, it isn't exactly the same as one. Your hormones change faster as well as your body. If I'm being honest, it would be weird if you were still being incredibly active when your body is going through so much."