All Grown Up: The Story of Jacob and Renesmee Part I

Butterfly

Renesmee

"You are my sunshine my-

You are my sunshines, my only sunshines, you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dears, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshines away.

I think they liked that one."

Jacob nodded and smiled from where he sat on the hospital bed where we'd spent the twin's first night. He said Grandpa had kept an eye on them during the night, I wouldn't know, I was dead to the world. Of course, I was still tired now, but I didn't want to sleep. I just wanted to stare at Xandra and Mollie some more. They really were identical, and perfect. They both had my eyes, the same soft black hair. I was so thrilled that all of our kids had Jacob's beautiful hair.

I was doing better mentally than I was physically. It was a little upsetting when Daddy and Grandpa inserted the feeding tubes into their noses though. I covered my eyes and squeezed Jacob's hand as Mollie and Xandra made uncomfortable little noises.

I was worried about the future, tomorrow, and the rest of their lives. There are problems they could have, that we can't know about when they are only several hours old. But Daddy encouraged me to just live in the now, so that was what I tried to do. Sad does not even cover the way I felt though, about not being able to hold them yet. But I could touch them. I could put my hands in the incubator and stroke the soft skin of their arms, count their fingers and toes with Jacob, and hold their hands. I could still let them know I was there, and how much I loved them.

They didn't move around as much as Swan and Anthony had when I asked Grandpa about it this morning he'd said that's normal for preemies but they always responded to me. They'd turn their head to the sound of my voice, or my touch. Jacob's too. I hogged them a lot though. I was being a little selfish I knew, but I couldn't help it. I had that strange feeling where I sort of missed them being inside of me but it was amazing they were here now.

As I sat in the rocking chair in front of the incubators I had one hand in Mollie's, and the other in Xandra's. Each of them had their tiny little fingers wrapped around one of mine.

I sighed. "I really want to take a bath before Nana brings them home, but I don't want to leave these two," I told Jacob with a frown. Giving birth is amazing, beautiful, and disgusting.

I heard the bed creak as he got up then felt him rest his hands on my shoulders. "Why don't I run you a hot bath then," he suggested as he rested his chin on the top of my head.

I stared at Mollie and Xandra as they stared back at me. "I think I'll wait until after Swan and Anthony meet their sisters."

I had talked to Nana this morning, and Swan and Anthony. Nana was going to feed them lunch there, then bring them back home.

"The twins were born last night, and they are girls," I'd told Anthony. "So their names are Xandra and Mollie."

"Those are good names," he said, giving his sisters his seal of approval.

I laughed and so did Jacob. "I'm glad you think so, sweetheart."

When I told Swan she had two little sisters she said, "Oh my!" I'd never heard her say that before, I guessed that she'd heard Nana saying it last night. I could imagine her saying that while she was given updates as I gave birth.

"Are you comfortable enough?" Jake asked as he started to rub my shoulders.

"Mmm hmm," I murmured. When Jacob brought the rocking chair in and placed it in front of the incubators for me he'd brought a pillow for me to sit on. It made a big difference.

We watched them quietly for a few moments, then I said, "I really do hate seeing them on those things."

"So do I," he agreed quietly. Xandra was on the CPAP but unlike Anthony, she was getting oxygen through hers. Mollie's breathing issues were more severe, so she was on the ventilator. I reminded myself it was only temporary. Like the feeding tubes...the monitors...the wires.