"If you love something, you have to know how to let go."
It was a one sided love.
One that can never be said out loud.
One that can never be confessed nor talked about.
It was hard..
Very hard..
Being a part of a very famous girl group and a leader at that, Kim Taeyeon was always the one to think, to decide and to weigh what's right and wrong. She knows how well to lead even when there's still some things she was lacking, she'd still make sure she's able to fill it in. She thinks of what's best for the group and always set first what she believes important for the 8 person she's been with for the past years.
They were her family. Her sisters. But a certain person was able to top her list, Hwang Miyoung or Tiffany Hwang as everyone knows her. The American girl whom she's been closest the most had always have that special part in her life and in her heart.
She wasnt just a sister.. She wasnt just a friend... Tiffany was a lover Taeyeon would definitely trade everything she has for. She's willing to give up all that she has if it meant she'll have Tiffany for herself. Thats her dream.. Always have been..
And it will stay like that.. A dream. An unreachable dream that no matter how Taeyeon strive so hard to reach she wont be able to..
For years of knowing each other, Taeyeon found herself falling for the girl whom she shouldnt be falling for in the first place. They were girls for crying out loud. They were groupmates. They were in Korea for heaven's sake. They were the country's national girlgroup and there's no way in hell she's gay. Okay, maybe she were, but thats only because Tiffany made her one. God knows how hard Taeyeon tried to fend off the feeling but whenever she keeps trying harder, all her efforts gone to waste with just one eye-smile coming from the girl. It can only take one freaking smile for Taeyeon to forget about her resolve of forgetting her uncontrollable and unstopping feelings towards Tiffany. And its always been a never ending cycle for years. She'd say she'd try to stop loving the girl and the next second would always be "I love Tiffany..I love Tiffany." It has been always like that but Taeyeon seem like she's not getting tired of it. No, she will never get tired of it not when Tiffany's smiling at her like always. Maybe because it was the smile that made Taeyeon fell for her first and Tiffany's warm personality just came second, its what Taeyeon kept on pondering about for so long yet she never did get her answer till now.
Tiffany was the warmest and nicest person Taeyeon was so blessed to come to know in her life. And its just so sad that the only person she had ever wanted to have were out of her bounds..
She can never have Tiffany.
It was the saddest truth she's been trying to accept for years and made herself contented with what they have. Friendship. Taeyeon despise the word itself. She doesnt like it at all. She doesnt want to be just Tiffany's friend. She wants more. She needs more. She cant just be Tiffany's friend. Yet she cant do anything about it. She will always be just Tiffany's friend for that lover-label has been filled with someone else already. Someone who like her loves Tiffany so much too, but unlike her, the public can accept their relationship for that person who was able to swoon Tiffany off her feet and was able to take Tiffany away from Taeyeon was a guy and a famous idol as well with such good personality and public image.
If she was only a guy, Taeyeon knew she could offer twice as much as the guy can give to Tiffany. She was sure she could do what he does to her and most importantly she knows to herself that she could love Tiffany more than he could. But the fact that he is the guy and she isnt was the most hurtful thing for her to even try accepting that she had lost her beloved Tiffany to him without a fight. She lost even before she could start fighting for what she too deserve to have. She lost Tiffany to him. He took Tiffany away from her and she cant do anything but watch as the truth revealed in front of her two tearing eyes.
She knows that she cant have Tiffany but knowing that someone else is already owning that person she wanted to have so badly is more painful and heart breaking for her cause no matter how she tried so hard not to be weak and accept everything with open arms, still the fact that she isnt the one Tiffany's dating right now is slapping her square in the face.
She's just Tiffany's friend and she can never be more than that. She shouldnt have hoped.. She knows she shouldnt but those smiles, those stares and body contacts were giving her all wrong signals and she was blinded of that very same hope that maybe, maybe they have something different, unique and it can blossom into something more but she was wrong. She got it all wrong.. So as she stared at Tiffany who's sitting in between the rest of the group across her, congratulating her for going public with her relationship with him, there she was all broken and shattering inside, clenching her necklace right through her clothes fabric, silently screaming "It should be me." repeatedly while trying so hard to keep a small smile on her face.
"I wish you all happiness Tiffany." Was what she can only mutter. She was trying so hard to hold back the tears that was threatening to fall, she puffed her cheeks and made her smile more wider now and joined the girls as they laughed at a casual joke Hyoyeon have thrown in the air. She tried to act as normal as she can, smile like she's happy and laugh like she meant it but deep inside she was bleeding and slowly dying but she cant show it.. She definitely cannot just burst into tears without telling any of them the reason why and neither cannot tell anyone that its because of Tiffany. And so again, she kept it all to herself. She's been good at it for years now and today wont be any difference, and so as she released that necklace that was still dangling around her neck from her hold, she knew, she knew that giving the key locket to Tiffany was a bad decision..
Cause now her heart, despite it being broken, was now locked and will never be open till she got over Tiffany.
The only person who holds the key to her heart.
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