Tabula Rasa (Unlike Loki: Book Two)

Chapter 4

(Anna)

"I can't keep doing this."

I was lying in By's bed, hot and sweaty from yet another round of intense sex.

I really couldn't keep doing this.

By leaned over, and began sucking on my neck. "Sure you can."

By had become my assistant about two months after I had lost the baby. We had immediately connected. He was dark and mysterious, but also kind and charming. I felt ashamed whenever I looked at him or touched him, because I feared the only reason I was with him was because he reminded me of Loki.

You can't marry your assistant. The Queen (or usual King) can only marry someone of high standing. And By was not even close to that.

And so began our affair.

We began sneaking around, stealing whatever time we could. Our relationship started out as small conversations and then grew into a game of meaningful looks. Eventually, we just collided. And the next thing I knew, we were lying in his bed, naked and out of breath.

Did I love him? No, absolutely not. But I had this odd sort of attraction to him. Not lust, exactly. I suppose I liked the way he made me feel. Wild and free.

Sometimes I felt so trapped with Torren. He was so heavy sometimes, physically and mentally. And when we were together, I never seemed to enjoy it. It's not that Torren did a bad job, he was just one who went straight to the point and only cared about his needs.

That wasn't for me.

When I was with By, it was crazy and intense, but we treated each other equally. By was never rough, not unless I told him to be, at least. He wasn't romantic, he was the epitome of sex. And it was pretty damn awesome.

Was it still 100% for me? No. But I kept coming back for more because it was better than what I was getting on the other side of the string. With By, I forgot about my problems and was able to take out my frustrations.

If I could just put Torren and By together, make them one man, then maybe I would be absolutely content. I wanted Torren's conversations and strength, while I also wanted By's sex habits and mysteriousness.

I was a mess.

By began touching me, obviously wanting to go for round two. And even though I was content with what we had done, I knew I would go again, because I didn't know when we would find the time again.

After every one of our bouts together, my mind ALWAYS flashed to Loki. Thinking of how he had been perfect for me. Our conversations and our silence held the same meanings, our touches were always cherished, and when we had arguments, they were about real things, not laws or duties or anything like that. And the one time I had lain with him, the single, glorious time, was perfection. Because Loki took his time. He paid attention to me and I to him. He didn't want to have sex, he wanted to make love.

And he had been so very good at it.

By was on top of me now, his hands all over me, making me moan.

And so began round two.