Tabula Rasa (Unlike Loki: Book Two)

Chapter 90

(Loki) ONE DAY LATER

I straightened my jacket and looked at myself in the mirror as I fixed my gloves. 

I absolutely hated funerals. 

And today would be the worst one I had ever attended. 

I heard Anna sigh shakily on the other side of the room. She looked at me, her eyes lined with silver as she tried to keep her tears in. She looked beautiful; Her black dress fit her perfectly and her long blonde hair was pinned half up and away from her face. She hadn't put on much make-up (not that she needed it in the first place) and I knew it was because she knew it would only wash away with her tears. She wrung her hands in front of her, nervous. 

"Come here." I said softly. She bowed her head and walked over to me, crashing straight into me. I enveloped her and squeezed her tightly, never wanting to let go. Especially now, when she seemed so fraile and vulnerable. I was afraid that if I let her go, she would blow away in the wind and I would never see her again. 

She was not only an emotional mess, but a physical one as well. She refused to eat, saying she wasn't hungry and she had barely slept last night. 

Not that I was much better. 

And to top it off, because of recent events having to do with a certain Infinity Stone, she would no longer live for milennia and no longer had any of her powers. Though she hadn't said it out loud, I could see it in her eyes everytime she looked at me. She looked at me as if she were an embarassment, like I would throw her away at any moment. She thought that now that she was mortal and powerless, that that made her useless and unwanted. She was open like a book. The 'He won't love me when I start to age' look and the 'I am weak compared to him' thought. 

I wanted to shake her. 

I wanted to tell her that I would love her til the day she died and beyond. She would be my one and only. I knew that now. There would never be anyone else. Ever. And even though I was extremely, desperately heartbroken that her life would be so much shorter than mine, I found comfort in knowing that I would see her on the other side. I looked forward to our life together, even if it took the rest of it for her to truly smile again. 

"Why have we gotten so many chances in this life, but they only got the one?" I suddenly heard Anna whisper, looking up at me, her face wrinkled with pain. 

"Because they fullfilled their destiny, I suppose. Maybe we haven't." I tell her. It's the best answer I have, though I wish I could give her a better one. 

There's a knock on the door and soon, Heimdall walks in. "We are ready." 

******************************** 

The air is cool but still. 

I can see the crowd gathered in the distance, candles lit in their hands. Anna and I walk hand in hand towards the lake where they wait. To the lake where my son and brother will be lifted to Valhalla and become members of the night sky. 

I take deep breaths. 

I have to hold it together. 

For her. I must. 

After what seems like an eternity, we reach the lake, where our fallen family is each wrapped and put in their own boat. They are both adorned with jewels. By has a golden necklace around him, which is a medal given to those who show extreme bravery and die in battle. In Leolin's boat, there are some of his favorite toys, toys that I played with with him when I met him for the first time. Anna also requested that the small blanket he had been wrapped in when he was born to be put with him as well, since he often couldn't let go of it those first few years. 

Anna takes her hand out of mine as one of the soldiers hands us each a bow and arrow. 

I take mine with a curt nod to the soldier and I turn to face the crowd behind me. "I want to thank you all." I speak as loud as I can, so that my voice reaches as many ears as possible. "I know the past few years have been hard and stressful, but we are now on a path to peace and prosperity. I hope that you will join me in sending my son and my lost brother to Valhalla with good prayers to the Gods." I smile weakly and turn around. 

Now, in front of Anna and I, is a small pit with fire in it. 

I dip my arrow in first and then Anna does the same. 

"Send them out." She says softly to the guards standing by the boats. 

We watch silently, not a sound in the air, as the boats float out onto the water. 

Anna raises her bow and cocks it back. "Leolin, my sweet darling child, may the Gods protect you and love you." She shoots the arrow towards Leolin's boat and it quickly catches fire. 

I knock my own arrow back, "Leolin, my son, may they treat you like the prince you were meant to be." And then I send it flying, joining Anna's arrow. A giant column flame now rises from our son's boat. I kick back another arrow and point it towards By, "Brother that I never truly got to know, watch over our son, and may you finally be at peace." And I sent the arrow, setting the boat aflame. 

Anna got her second arrow ready and knocked it back, "By, I am sorry for everything. I love you, friend. Drink one in Valhalla for me, would you?" She chuckles, choking back sobs and lets her arrow go, hitting right next to mine. 

Now both boats are roaring with beautiful light. 

"Goodbye, my loves." Anna whispers, dropping her bow to the ground. 

We watch on as the boats float further on, not able to take our eyes off of them. Silent tears fall from my face and my hands are clenched. He's in a better place now. They both are. 

And as soon as they came into this life, they are taken away again, their boats erupting and sending their essence into the night sky. I make a mental note of where they land in the stars and and relieved to see Leolin land next to my mother. By floats far away. There is no telling where he will end up. Their stars shine bright, full of color and new life. 

I suddenly feel a hand in mine and know that it is Anna's. I take my eyes off of the stars and find her. She's gazing up at me, smiling. Actually smiling. Though there are tears in her eyes, she looks happy, relieved. As if a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. "He's safe now." She says. 

I smile at her, knowing that she'll be okay. We both will be. We will tell this story, Leolin and By's stories to anyone who will listen. They desearve that much. They will live on. No one knows that Leolin grew up to be a monster except for Thor, and it will stay that way. He will be seen as the little boy he truly was, innocent and pure. 

I take her face in my hands and kiss her lips desperately, not caring that there are thousands of people watching, not caring that her face is wet from her tears, not caring that she can't stop smiling when I'm trying to kiss her. 

She pulls me closer, drawing me in. 

And I swear I can feel Leolin and By's spirits watching over us, cheering us on.