Tabula Rasa (Unlike Loki: Book Two)

Chapter 73

(Talia)

That Bitch. 

Nebula locked me in the dungeos and threw away the key. She got what she wanted, didn't she? She got promoted back to favorite, back to Teacher's Pet. I spat at the ground as she walked away, a triumphant smile on her face. 

How dare she? How dare HE? 

I did everything he ever asked of me. I sacrificed everything. I never disappointed. Never. And this is the reward I get. All because I got soft for a second? So anger is valued here more? I didn't expect her to give a sound reasoning for why she hated me. I mean, give me a break, I've made her life hell, I knew she'd be mad, but I never thought it went deeper than that. And when I stopped to think about it, I was made out to be the idiot. I had nothing to gain by stealing Leolin; I was only assuring my destruction. 

I beat at the thick metal bars of the cell. I don't know why. I know they won't move. The initial adrenaline of my anger is fading and paving the way for the leftovers. 

I lean against the cool, harsh, blood-stained bars and slide down to sit on the equally horrid floor. I pull my knees to my chest and curl my body tight, like I am a child. I lay my head on my knees and then lift my chin off the skin with a hiss. My pants are ripped, my skin bloody and stinging. 

Her words keep ringing in my head. 

If I had chosen Valhalla over this, my mother would have loved me. 

And that tears me apart. It's not fair, not one bit. 

He promised me power, and safety and revenge. 

I got enough power to get me through, I suppose. I was never in any danger I couldn't get out of. And I did get revenge on who I thought I wanted revenge on. 

I guess I didn't read the fine print when I signed the contract. 

I lean my head back and scream. 

I let it out, as much of it as I can. 

It is a scream of agony and pain and betrayal and frustration. All my emotions spilling out of me through a tiny hole. 

I stop. 

It's not enough. 

I get up and head straight for the back wall. 

And I punch it. 

And scream as the pain in my hand takes trump over that of my mind, of my life. 

I slowly look down at my newly mangled hand and curse as it quickly mends itself.

For once, I'd like to feel the pain, to let it take me away. 

I have messed up so much in my short life. So much. I took the wrong side and then I destroyed an innocent boy, helped turn him into a monster. 

How is it possible that I can forgive my mother, but my brother can't? I see the look in his eyes when I bring her up; the possibility isn't even there. He lived with them, loved them. I remember watching from a distance as his father held him for the first time. I remember the look on mymother's face when she saw that her family was getting put back together. I watched as Loki killed my demented father and I didn't give a damn. But when it came to my mother, I wanted her so badly to fight for me the way she did for Leolin. Out there, she wasn't afraid of Thanos himself; she was only thinking of her son. But to Leolin, they abandoned him. 

I shake my head. 

He has no idea the kind of life he could be leading. He would be a prince. A young one, but he would eventually grow to be King. He would be noble, and learn from parents who loved him. Loved him so much. They were never my parents, yet I feel compelled to forgive and to see that I am the bad guy and I am noble enough to admit that I lost.