I'm stumbling, clawing around in the dark.
Someone says "lean on me."
I reach out my hand
but when I pull it back to me
I have a knife sticking out of my palm.
Even though it's dark I feel as though I have a spotlight
and an audience
a million pairs of eyes watching as again and again I reach out to take someone's hand,
and come back with another wound.
Even though it's quiet I feel the screaming.
It's behind my ears and in front of my eyes,
like no one thing is screaming,
but everything at once, every inch.
And the laughing - I can hear the laughing too.
My audience starts to make audible sounds, let me know they're there.
"Get up!"
But it hurts so much to stand.
"Keep going!"
But it hurts so much to move.
"There's a chair! There's something to sit on right there!"
But I can't find the chair, I can't find it! I can't feel it, I can't see it.
And every step just gets worse and worse.
Why can they see what I cannot?
Maybe if I just rest my eyes...
I awake to find I haven't moved.
