See,
I thought I had a personality
But, turns out,
All these things I thought were me
Were really just anxiety
Just
Major Depressive Disorder (comma) Mild
I don't have quirks
I have symptoms
A tendency toward:
Impatience,
Insomnia,
Memory loss,
Avoidance behavior,
Perfectionism,
Procrastination,
Maladaptive daydreaming,
Etc, etc
I've started the diagnostic process
And now I can't stop.
I have a pinterest board
Right in between DIY tricks
And red wedding dresses
Is shit I might have.
I thought if I knew the monster's name
I could beat it
Or at the very least
Keep us in separate boxes
But I am not an individual
Because we are indivisible
I cannot dissect my brain from myself
Can't cut the disease away
Because I am the ghost that's been haunting me.
Did you know that there is such a high correlation between high IQ's
Depression
And insomnia
That it's practically a guarantee
If you have two you have three
That introverts with a tendency toward depression and "melancholy"
Are natural social psychologists,
Intuitive about people and situations
That people with anxiety are more empathetic,
And creative.
Did you know that
Apparently
When I'm crying in McDonald's
Because I don't even remember why
My hands are shaking
And my face does that tingley thing
And people are staring at me
Staring at that teenage girl throwing a 2-year-old-fit
Like she's crazy
Because she is
Apparently that's an anxiety attack.
My mom said I had trouble falling asleep
From the time she took me home from the hospital
I don't remember a time I didn't have a book in my head
Instead of a dream
Every time I daydreamed myself into another world,
Another movie in my head
Every time I hid in the bathroom
Every time I thought I was just
Emotional
Introverted
Shy
Lazy
Creative
Me
I was just
Crazy.
Nothing is mine
I am nothing without this
Nothing good,
Nothing bad,
Just nothing.
I started therapy for the suicidal thoughts
And the aggressive mood swings
But I'm staying for all the things
That I can't sort away
How can we say something is wrong
When that's all that's ever been
How can it be broken
If it was never fixed
God doesn't make mistakes
But somehow He made me
I think I finally understand,
I think I finally see
That
Crazy is as Violet does,
We were meant to be.
