I would rather you say you didn't believe me
than say you did
and act like you don't
I don't want you to feel guilty
But I would rather you felt guilty
than nothing at all
I don't want you to blame yourself
But I would rather you blame someone
than no one.
How can you cry and rage
for the women on tv
But not for me?
Those girls need someone to champion them,
But they are far away
I am right here, be my champion.
Those girls need someone to cry for them
but I am right here,
Cry for me
Be angry for me
If a girl cries "sexual abuse"
In the middle of her living room
And everyone pretends not to hear her
Did she say it?
Did it happen?
Or is she just being dramatic?
Maybe you're afraid I won't want to be around him anymore
But don't worry -
I've only been playing cards with him and
keeping his secrets my whole life
so I don't mind going on that way -
I'm just surprised you would.
I know it was a long time ago
but if it had happened yesterday
would you act any differently
I know you raised me to be independent but
this isn't something I can shake off
or rub some dirt on
I know I'm an adult
but right now I am 7 years old again
I am
That small again
I am
That scared again
I am
that silent again
I know you think that I've turned out just fine
And you're right mom,
Because God has been so, so good to me
But you never saw all the times that I cried myself to sleep
mourning the innocence
I don't even remember having
mourning the childhood I could have had
If I had known that it wasn't my fault
and didn't define me
I just needed someone to tell me that
I Am Not Dirty.
I never told you
because I was afraid of breaking your heart
If only I'd known
I had nothing to be scared of
Telling you was the hardest thing
I have ever done
And the day after was the freest I have ever felt
but I don't know why I thought
anything would change because
I am still a prisoner in my own house
I feel like if I screamed on top of a mountain
or in the middle of a crowded street
no one would hear me
(so how can I walk into a police station?)
Listening to my mother cry
on the other end of the phone
is the hardest thing
I've ever had to do
but I didn't do it
so that you could ignore me now.
Mama, my blood is crying out
from the kitchen floor
Are you going to walk around me?
Mama I'm standing right in front of you
telling you somebody hurt me
Are you going to let him walk free?
Mama - protect me.
Daddy - fight for me.
Mommy, somebody hurt me.
