"You know how when you were younger you wanted something for Christmas so badly but you never got it but maybe you see it again as an adult now that you could buy it for yourself and you don't really want it but you kinda want to get it anyway because of how bad past-you wanted it? You feel like you owe it to her. That's how I want you. It's not that I actually want you, it's that for a time I wanted you so intensely that the wanting became a part of who I am, and my heart remembers it when I see you."
