Beloved: Lovable, yet in a non sexual way. Able to love one without purpose of intercourse. Means special in a way that is beyond that of lust, but means the purest of love.
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V A N E S S A
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I sit in the back of the Uber staring out the window but not really seeing anything. Everything's been a blur since seeing Lexus again. My chest feeling tight, my stomach hallow, and my hands won't stop shaking.
Lexus' words are still ringing in my head.
"I love my wife, Nessa."
I squeeze my eyes shut but the sting behind them won't go away. He really said that. Out loud. Like it was nothing. Like it wasn't the most painful thing he could've thrown at me.
I press my fingers into my temple trying to steady my breathing. I should've known this would happen. I should've prepared myself for the moment he finally shut that door on me for good. But knowing something and feeling it? Two completely different things.
He used to have a soft spot for me. He used to look at me like I meant something in his world. We were supposed to be a family despite the bullshit.
I exhale sharply and wipe at my face not realizing tears had already started falling.
I can't do this. I can't sit here and let this pain swallow me whole. The Uber driver glances at me through the rearview mirror. "You good miss?"
I nod quickly. "Yeah. Just... a long day."
He doesn't press and I'm grateful for that. I'm tired of people looking at me like I'm fragile like I'm one wrong step away from shattering. Maybe they're right. Maybe I am.
But I can't let nobody see that.
I pull my phone out scrolling mindlessly, pretending like I have somewhere to direct my energy. I stop on an old picture of me, Lexus, and Lennox in the hospital room the day he was born.
Lexus was grinning, tired but happy with Lennox bundled up in his arms. And me? I looked lost. Detached. Like I was standing on the outside of my own body watching it play out from a distance.
