After | Matt Daddario

Chapter 5

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"I am so proud of you Lauren. You survived your first boring science class." Alberto said as we both walked out of our classroom. I chuckled and shook my head.

"Crazy boy." I said and Alberto held his hand above his heart and pretended that he got hurt by my comment. I laughed by his action and reaction.

"You really did hurt my feelings, Weston." Alberto said and I laughed out loud. I was happy because Alberto threw that kind of positive energy around and I loved him for it. In fact, I can't remember when the last time was when I laughed this loud. I stopped laughing at my laugh was becoming a bit embarrassing.

"Hey love!" Alberto shouted out of nowhere. For a second I thought he had seen Vivien but I was wrong. When I turned myself around I saw a boy coming up to us with a massive smile on his face. He had dark blonde hair and beautiful eyes.

The unknown to me walked over to Alberto and kissed him on the lips. I let out a small gasp and quickly coughed to cover it up. I was not homophobic at all. My own uncle was married to a guy. I just did not see this coming. I was surprised more than shocked. I was happy that both of them did not realise what kind of reaction I just had.

"Lauren, this is Justin. My boyfriend." Alberto said and I smiled at Justin, his boyfriend. It was just shocking to me because I would never think that Alberto would be gay and he never really mentioned it.

"I need to go now but I will text you later on." Justin said to Alberto and they both kissed each other goodbye and he walked off. I looked at Alberto and smiled.

"I never knew you were gay." I said as we both walked to the canteen. He smiled as he rushed his fingers through his hair.

"I am not. I am bisexual." He said and I mouthed 'oh'. We both walked to the table where it was empty and sat down.

"How long have you been together with him?" I asked him out of curiosity and to make a conversation between us. I saw Alberto immediately smiling when I mentioned my question. I would say that this was love but then again I never really experienced it myself than just reading about it.

"It's been two years and five months." He said with a big smile on his face. His eyes were sparkling when he talked about Justin. I could see from the way he acts how he feels and I was happy for him.

"And you? Do you have someone?" He asked me and I looked away. Now I got reminded of him... Of someone, I never wanted to think about again in my whole life. The one who made me cold towards love. The one who took away the hope I had for love. The one who destroyed me.

"James, I don't want to do this. Stop it." I said annoyed as he kept unbuttoning my t-shirt. I pushed away his hands and instead of him stopping what he did, he kept on going and gave me an evil smirk.

"Who says I am going to listen to you?" He said with the same smirk on his face and started kissing me forcefully.

"What the hell, James! Get off me!" I shouted at him and tried pushing him away but it did not really help. In fact, it made me look like a fool. He was much stronger than me. How could I be strong when I hadn't eaten for days?

"No." He simply said and he kept on doing what he was doing. I knew that he was raping me but after a while of trying and fighting I just gave in. He ruined me.

"Lauren, are you okay?" Alberto asked me and I snapped out of my thoughts. I quickly nodded and looked down. I did not realise that I was crying until one of my tears fell on the white table which made it clear to me and Alberto that I was in tears.

"I am sorry. I did not mean to upset you." He said and I looked at him with my watery eyes and shook my head to reassure him that it was not his fault. It never was. It was mine for believing that James, my ex-boyfriend actually loved me.

"No, I just got reminded of someone who I have never thought of for a very long time." I said honestly and he held my hand and looked at me worried and sorrow. I think he knew that my experience with boys was bad just like my whole life.

"You don't need to tell me if you don't want to." He said and I shook my head. I did want to tell him. I needed to start opening up a bit more. I decided to have a new life here. To be a new Lauren here so I should go with that.

"My first and only boyfriend, James had raped me and then dumped me." I whispered and my voice broke. My voice was full of horror and it made me sound so broken.

I choked on my sobs and tried stopping myself from crying. I did not want anyone to see me crying. They would assume that the new girl can't handle it here.

I looked at Alberto who had an angry and concerned look on his face. I guess he knows how horrible it was for me by just hearing and seeing my reaction to it...

"I am so sorry. Who is this guy? I want to kill him." Alberto said and I could see how angry he was. I would almost think that he would kill James if he would have known him.

"He lives back at home, in Engeland." I said and I could see how disappointed he was about it. He sighed out loud and made me look at him.

"Lauren, you are beautiful and what happened to you is unforgettable but you can't always live like this and you know that yourself. One day someone will come and break the walls you have to build around you- and believe me James will pay for his mistakes and he will suffer for it." Alberto said and I nodded.

You always get what you give and I did truly believe that one day or another he would experience what I did. Not necessarily getting raped but he would feel the same pain I felt when he did that too me.

"Thank you." I said and I truly meant it. I did not know how to feel about letting someone else in because I just did not believe that anyone was worthy of becoming mine. I tried it. It did not work and I gave up.

Love does exist but just for some people and I was not included in some people. I will never be able to love someone or to be loved back.