successful ; david dobrik

21

LORELEI

I woke up with a dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach and a tight feeling in my chest that made my heart feel like it was suffocating. I stayed up late last night reading my sister, Isla's, journal, the tattered notebook being one of the only memories I now had of her. The things she'd wrote left me with an aching feeling in my chest and overflowing tear ducts, my bottom lip quivering as I muffled my cries with my fist, not wanting to wake the sleeping boy next to me. 

But now, half past nine in the morning, the sleepy boy is awake, his arm strung over my stomach as his fingers trace unfamiliar patterns into my skin, his lips brushing softly against my neck as he hums along to the quiet music that plays from my phone. "Good morning," He rasps, his scruffy jaw scratching my shoulder as he moves his head a bit. 

I hum out a noise of acknowledgement, bringing my hands up to wipe off my face. I'd long since stopped crying, but my eyes still felt particularly puffy and my heart particularly achey. David's eyes remain shut, his breath tickling my neck every time he exhales. "Do you want breakfast?" I ask, when I'm positive my voice won't get out on me. 

David doesn't answer for a moment, instead moving his head and opening his eyes to examine my face. His lips brush over my bare shoulder, his hand squeezing my hip. "Baby, what's wrong?" He asks, kissing my skin softly. 

I shake my head, holding up the journal in my hands. "Just a lot of memories, bub. I'll be okay," I drop my head to plant a gentle kiss on David's lips, enjoying the smell of his shampoo and the feel of his soft lips. "Breakfast?" I ask again, my fingers skimming over the bare skin on his chest, a content sigh leaving my lips. 

He shakes his head, planting a kiss on my cheek. David is still lying down while I'm sat up, his head resting on the pillows, his arms wrapped around my waist. "I love you," David tells me, kissing my thigh. I shiver at the soft scratch of his scruff, goosebumps appearing on my exposed skin. "So much."

I smile, my fingers running through his hair, blunt nails scraping against his scalp. "I love you," I answer, fully content with spending the day in bed. David will likely have to get up at some point to go film and edit, but for now this is enough. 

David and I lie together for a long while, his fingers tickling my skin as I tap away on my phone, replying to emails and checking through my DMs for any serious clients that I need to get in contact with. I scroll past all of the mean DMs from David's fans who seem to have nothing but rude things to say about me, managing to ignore them for the time being. I send off a few emails with pictures attached to some clients, making a mental note to clear up my schedule for a big shooting with Corinna. 

Eventually we get up and moving, me fixing up breakfast while David takes Astley for a run. I greet the elderly dog with a kiss when they get back, passing a plate of bacon and half an orange to David as he gulps down a tall glass of water. I busy myself with tidying up the apartment while David edits, managing to keep my mind off of Isla's journal for the most part. 

It's hard to keep her off my mind. For a long time after she died, I couldn't stop thinking about her--couldn't stop mourning her. She wasn't just my sister. She was my best friend, my confidant, my person. She was my entire life built up into one person, the very core of my being. She was everything I aspired to be--brave, beautiful, strong, intelligent. She was wise beyond her years and witty beyond belief, never failing to make anyone laugh. 

I miss her more than words can describe. I try not to think about her, because it hurts too much. Now, I don't think about her that much. I don't think about her during the big moments of my life, but during those small moments when I see something as simple as a cat, her favorite animal, I'll wish I could show it to Isla. It's the small moments, the ones that don't matter, the ones that I wish I could share with my sister.

I shake the thought from my head, fluffing up the yellow throw pillow on the couch. David sits on the opposite end of the couch, his hair fluffy atop his head and cheeks colored a rosy pink. He's wearing a red hoodie and a pair of grey sweatpants, his feet covered by a pair of fuzzy Santa socks I'd bought him. I can't help but smile as I look over at him, clutching the pillow to my chest. He's editing, of course, his laptop on his lap as he clicks through different sections of the video, editing certain portions out. 

David, as if he senses me watching, tilts his chin up, eyes meeting mine. A soft smile tugs at the corners of his lips, the beautiful man quirking an eyebrow as he looks over at me. "Like what you see?" David teases, pulling an earbud out of his ear. 

"I love what I see," I correct, tossing the pillow at the man as I breeze past him, picking up the empty mug on the coffee table. "Want a smoothie? I think I'm going to walk to Jill's." Jill's, our favorite smoothie bar just a block from my apartment complex, and possibly one of the best places in LA. 

He smiles and nods his head, bringing a hand up to catch my arm by the elbow, pulling me back towards him. "No goodbye kiss?" David asks, pouting. I grin, rolling my eyes as I lean down to his level. I place my hands on his thighs, warm from the heat of his laptop, my nose brushing against his as I slot my lips with his, a content sigh falling from David's mouth. 

I pull away after a moment, David's teeth tugging my bottom lip lightly as I move. "Mango," David says, grinning as I slip on my shoes. 

"Gotcha," I say, making my way towards the door, phone in hand. "I love you," I call, tossing a glance over my shoulder at David, who has returned his gaze to his laptop screen. 

"I love you!" David shouts as I open the front door. I smile down at the ground as I walk, biting the inside of my cheek as I turn a corner. It's the little moments like these, the little ones that mean so, so much to me, that I want to tell Isla about. I want to be able to gush about my boyfriend to her, to get advice when something goes wrong. 

But Isla isn't here, and she won't ever be here again. I've got to accept that at some point, and as I walk into the small tiki-style bar and place an order for two mango smoothies, I decide that this is when I stop mourning. I'll always love my sister and I'll always miss her, but I can't let her death change me. I don't want to become that sad, lonely girl that I was when Isla first died. Miserable and locked away, isolated from the world. 

So when I arrive home and give David his smoothie, I press a kiss on his lips and tell him that I love him, making my way back to my bedroom. I sit down on my bed, opening up Isla's old journal as I sip from my smoothie, enjoying the sweet taste of mango on my tongue as I read through my sister's memories.

[a/n]

i'm rly sad because my crush told me he has a crush on someone else so that sucks but here enjoy this chapter that i actually really enjoyed writing as i cried about my unrequited crush xoxo