successful ; david dobrik

58

LORELEI

"I genuinely cannot believe you're doing this right now," David says, his arms crossed over his chest as he struts past me through the kitchen, his voice a breathless huff. I exhale a sigh and lean back against the counter, my eyes boring into his back as he makes his way towards the living room. "I mean, seriously, Lor."

I don't answer for a moment, instead just shaking my head and wondering how he could possibly be upset at me over something this stupid. "I just don't want to go out tonight, okay? You can go hang out with Todd, I don't care, but I don't want to be out at some sleazy club in the middle of the night right now," I say, after a minute. Can't be out in the middle of the night at a sleazy club. What's the point? I shouldn't be drinking, not now.

David turns around to face me, a look of frustration evident on his face. "You know how bad that'll look? Me out clubbing without my girlfriend? My fiance?" He huffs out a sigh and turns his gaze to his wrist, checking the time on his watch.

"No one cares, Dave," I say, and then stop, my lips parting. I didn't mean for it to come out so harsh, and so I quickly add on to the phrase. "I don't," I rush, chewing on the inside of my cheek. "You shouldn't. Who cares what it looks like? We're fine, aren't we?" David's eyes drift back up to meet mine and he nods his head. "So what's the problem, then?"

"I don't want to go out if you're not going," David says, decisively. I roll my eyes, walking towards the man. I place the palms of my hands on his chest, my fingers curling up in the fabric of his shirt.

"Davey," I begin, bringing one hand up to rest on his shoulder, the other smoothing out the fabric of his shirt. "You're allowed to have a social life. That's not what I'm saying. I just don't want to go out tonight. You can go out, D. I'm not mad," I reassure him, capturing his hands with mine. I squeeze lightly and then release his hands, a small smile on my lips.

David sighs once more, his gaze softening as I bring a hand up to cup his jaw, the pad of my thumb lightly stroking his cheek. "It's not too late to cancel on Toddy," He says, his hand finding my hip under the thick material of my sweater. "I'll stay in with you."

I shake my head. "No, David," I say, firmly. "We need to have at least a little independence. You already told Todd you were going to go out with him. Don't cancel. Go have fun, babe. I'll be here when you get back."

With that, David sighs and pulls me in for a kiss goodbye, heading out of the house a few moments later, leaving me alone with nothing more than my thoughts and an empty house. I settle in on the couch, pull a blanket over my legs, and try to figure out what exactly I'm supposed to do.

It's not that I don't want David here with me, because I do. I truly, really do especially now, when I need him the most. I hate being alone in this big house, absolutely despise the deafening silence that fills up the house when David isn't home, hate the feeling of loneliness that fills my body when he isn't around, my thoughts lost in my head. I hate it, but in moments like these what I really need is nothing more than to be left alone. "What am I supposed to do?" I ask, my voice hoarse as I stare down at Astley. The dog snorts out a quiet noise, his nose twitching as he hops up onto the couch.

A quiet sigh leaves my lips as my eyes fall to the ring on my finger. I bite my bottom lip, lifting a hand up to run through my hair. I don't think I've ever been this unsure in my entire life. I don't know what I want to do, don't know what I need to do. I need to think, need to catch my breath, need to focus. But in the moment I can't focus on anything other than the fear that overwhelms me, my hands clenching in fists at my sides, my teeth digging into my bottom lip.

I've always been careful. Always. I followed the rules, read the instructions first, never did anything without preparation. How could I let this happen? The one reckless mistake. How could I let this happen? Nausea hits me like a truck, my entire body tensing up as bile rises in my throat, my stomach tightening.

I shift upwards, my feet carrying me towards the nearest bathroom. I barely make it to the toilet before I'm bending over, my hands on my knees as I lean forward and vomit up what little dinner I'd managed to eat.

I'm terrified, as I kneel down in front of the toilet, my hands capturing my hair in a makeshift ponytail. Terrified that I've made an awful mistake. I inhale deeply, exhale, and then inhale again. It was only one day. One time. I can't remember back that far. It was a month ago, maybe a bit more. I forgot. How could I forget that? The biggest mistake of my life, forgotten? A stupid, stupid mistake.

How could I have forgotten something so important? Something that I've managed to never forget for two years straight. Every morning like clockwork I take that stupidly important pill. How could I forget?

How could I forget?

[a/n]

i wrote this in literally ten minutes and im not planning on editing it so if there's any typos i apologize. i've written like three chapters so i'll be updating periodically throughout the next few days <3 enjoy xoxo