successful ; david dobrik

55

LORELEI

"Are you sure?" Corinna asks, her voice a breathless huff as she jogs to keep up with Kristen and I, our shoes making quiet noise against the rough dirt on the hill. I give her a look, raising a curious brow before letting out a light laugh and pausing in my steps to wait for her. 

Kristen giggles quietly, opening up her water bottle and taking a long sip. "I haven't hiked in ages," Corinna says as an excuse, laughing at herself when she checks her appearance in her phone camera. "I'm lookin' rough."

"You look great as usual," Kristen assures her, nudging Corinna softly before we all set out walking again. We've been hiking for a little over half an hour, the three of us all working at our own paces as we head up the small mountainside, conversation coming and going easily. It's been awhile since I hung out with the two of them properly, and now that we're actually hanging out it's easier than I remember. "You feeling okay?" Kristen asks me as I pause to take a sip of water, my eyes following the curve of the setting sun. 

"Yeah," I answer, resting a hand on my hip. "Just a little out of breath." I take a moment to inhale and then exhale, my eyes narrowing in on a particular rock. My breath has been stolen from my lungs rather suddenly, my stomach twisting and turning in rough knots and my vision hazy. I swallow down the bile that's rising in my throat, force a smile on my face and use all the determination in my body to make it through the hike.

And I do, because thirty minutes later we're in Corinna's car and singing along to old rap songs, Kristen and I dancing around like idiots and Corinna giggling as she drives. We stop to get a quick dinner and then Corinna drops me off at David and I's house, which feels nothing like my own home with David gone. 

I take a shower as soon as I get home, cleaning myself of the sweaty grime that I'd worked up while hiking, and then take Astley for a short walk and tuck myself into bed. My stomach still feels like a knotted mess and my head aches with the worst migraine I've possibly ever had, but as I send a text to David telling him that I love him and am going down for a nap, I find my mind drifting elsewhere.

It's mid January. I always get sick in these gloomy months at the beginning of the new year, whether it be with a standard cold or a flu or something of the sort. But this feels different. It feels eerily different and makes my heart stop beating in my chest and doubt fill my brain, but I can't do anything about it. Realistically, I could do something about it. I could call up the doctor, figure out if my suspicions are right. 

But I can't. Not when David is halfway across the country doing a liveshow and I'm in the ever-sunny Los Angeles, laying in our shared bed that doesn't feel like our bed without him. I curl further into the blankets, swallowing the lump in my throat and reaching out to take Astley in my arms. The small dog makes a quiet noise, his tongue poking out to lick my arm. "I love you," I mumble to Astley, kissing the top of his little head. 

It feels wrong to be without David. Feels like I'm missing some crucial part of myself, like I'm just barely hanging on. It's only been a day, and I feel pathetic that I'm so...empty without him. I know that I'll be fine, know that he's in a hotel all alone with Drake & Josh playing on the television, but that little, angry part at the back of my mind says that he isn't alone. That he brought someone to the hotel, that he's using her as a bedwarmer while I sleep alone. 

I close my eyes and sigh. Thinking like this has never gotten anyone anywhere. I trust David. I do, really, because he's never done anything to make me not have complete trust in him, but that doesn't stop my scared and vulnerable mind from racing two times too fast, doesn't stop my heart from beating rapidly in my chest, doesn't stop the nervous lump from forming in my throat. 

And then I'm lurching upwards with a hand clasping my mouth as I rush to the en suite bathroom, kneeling over the toilet and spewing my entire dinner into the toilet bowl. I can hear Natalie fumbling around in the kitchen, know that I can call her in and ask her to get me medicine, know that she would, but instead I allow my knees to curl up into my chest and my head to rest between my arms, my eyes closed and lips parted as shallow, labored breaths leave my lips. 

I miss David. Wish he was here to rub my back, whisper sweet words in my ear and tell me that I'm worried about nothing. I wish he was here to kiss my cheek and promise me that everything is okay, that nothing can hurt me, that we're fine. 

But he's not here, and that thought is very evident in my mind as I flush the toilet, pull the ring off my ring finger and place it on the counter, checking my appearance in the mirror. He's not here, I think as I pick up the scissors on the bathroom counter, leaning against the countertop as I hold the scissors up to my hair, measuring out a few inches before making the first cut. He's not here as I stare at my choppy haircut in the mirror, tears running down my cheeks as I look down at the mess of hair on the bathroom floor, my bottom lip bitten so hard that it's bleeding. 

He's not here. 

[a/n] 

i wrote this in like ten minutes? but here it is? also i feel like i wrote this more dramatic than it was, so let me summarize. david is doing a liveshow with todd, scott, jason and all them in some other state (i didnt really specify which, because it doesnt matter lol) and lor is at home ofc, but she's feeling a little under the weather (sick girl ;)) and misses david, of course. and then i briefly mentioned her insecurities about davey cheating and then the end, which was the dramatic(?) part, she didn't do anything bad just cut her hair. anyway yeah thats all, thanks <4