It's YOUR fault-(Cimorelli story)

Chapter 31- Insecurities

Lisa's POV

It's been almost a week since... what happened. It's been almost a week watching Lauren fall apart. And it's been almost a week that I haven't eaten. I sat on the kitchen stool, at the counter, staring at the fridge. My stomach screamed at me to walk over to it, open the fridge door and reach for some food. But my mind said otherwise. I pushed the hunger down, drowning out my stomach's cries. I didn't need food. I didn't need to eat. I need to look after Lauren, she's got it worse. Plus, I've put on so much weight, I could see it, anyone could. Isaac's not going to like me if I'm fat. Now in a stronger mindset of avoiding the food, I smiled and used my arms to push myself up from the stool, immediately I felt light headed but I steadied myself and ignored it. I had to check on Lauren. 

Mom and dad were still out of town and my mom decided it was best for the younger boys to stay with our grandma after they finished camp, so Christina didn't have to look after them too. Our older brothers were away for work too. Right now, Dani was out with that blonde girl, Lexie I think. They've been spending a lot of time together actually, but I've noticed she's been happier. Christina, Katherine and Amy were busy in their room sorting through some old things.  I forced myself up the stairs and towards our room even though I felt weaker every step of the way but I pushed through.

I peeked in through the door and found her huddled under her covers, eyes open but staring at nothing. I sighed, she's been like this a lot lately. Always in our room, sometimes other parts of the house but she never goes outside. She's been quieter than ever, almost silent but tries her best to act chipper around the others so they don't think anything's wrong. But of course, it's all been an act and only Dani and I know the truth. Even Christina, Kath and Amy know somethings wrong but they don't want to push it. Every night it's the same, her waking up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and tears from her nightmares, and them crawling in to my bed because she hated her own. She hasn't been sick as much anymore but her panic attacks have become more frequent. I'm just glad she's been eating and showering, it saves me wondering if she's even human anymore.

I walk closer to her, her features becoming more clear. The dark circles under her eyes emphasised the fact that she's been hardly been having any sleep. The cuts on her face had dulled down to vague scars that should be completely gone soon and the bruise she had on the first night had now completely disappeared. She seemed be healing on the outside but not so much on the inside. 

She shifted in her bed and then lifted her head out of the covers and looked at me.

"Hey," she mumbled, "Sorry i didn't hear you come in." 

"Hey," I said softly, shutting the door behind me and walking further into the room. Lauren was sitting up completely in her bed now, the duvet still around her bottom half. Her hair was wet, probably from a recent shower, and hid the sides of her pale face. She wore a huge, oversized, red hoodie. I sat on the end of her bed and placed my hand on her knee over the covers. I went to speak but Lauren began talking instead.

"Are you okay, Lise" she asked with a worried stare, I frowned, I'm perfectly fine why's she asking me that,"You look really pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine" I smiled. She nodded her head uncertainly.

"Now we need to talk." I said seriously. She sighed heavily.

"Please Lisa, not now" she said through gritted teeth. I took my hand away from her legs and stood up.

"Then when?!" I said, exasperated. She avoided eye contact with me.

"Lauren look at me." I demanded. She slowly brought her head up and her eyes met mine, they were glazed over with tears.