whatever it takes - odell beckham jr.

chapter nine

six years ago..

you would think in two weeks i would be able to face odell again.

i've passed him a few times in the hallway but i've forced to keep my eyes down. and besides that, i've avoided him at all costs. 

it's impossible to think about being around him, after drunkenly throwing myself at him and getting completely shot down. it was hands down the most humiliating experience of my life and there seems to be no escape.

i swear to god, there has never been a person on the face of his planet who has sent me more mixed signals than he has. i mean, sometimes, i swear he's looking at me like he wants nothing else. and then in the next moment, nothing.

after our road trip, i totally thought something was forming. then, of course, there was the party and the aftermath that came after that.

either way, i'm still invisible to him.

the only bright side to any of this is that football pre-season has started, so that means he's gone a lot more than normal. my dad and odell have been working out indoors both before and after school, so i've been able to eat dinner alone since they both are gone way past the time we usually eat.

the second that i see the headlights turn into the driveway, i sprint to my bedroom. and i don't come back out until the morning after i know he's gone.

but now, well, right now. i'm screwed. this is the first weekend in a long time my dad's been gone.

which means, odell and i will be alone together, with no barrier between us. no one to hype me up for having to be alone with him, no one to keep me from making another giant ass out of myself.

all i can hope for at this point, is that he also has plans for himself to be gone.

but as i step inside of the house on friday night, i realise i'm not gonna be let off that easily. because as i make my way into the living room, i'm met with a visual that gets me all hot inside.

odell is right there in front of me, sprawled out on the couch, wearing only a pair of sweatpants because he couldn't be assed to put a shirt on.

i toss my jacket and car keys down as he looks up, quickly turning towards the stairs and making the trek to my room speedily.

"hey, ira." his voice stops me halfway up the stairs.

"what?" i practically shout the word out, turning slightly to glance at him.

"i was thinking about watching a movie. do you wanna watch it with me?"

"no." i turn back and head to my room before he could say anything else, slamming the door behind me.

i hate the way i feel right now, the way that he makes me feel. it's not fair and it's not right. and i'm super pissed for allowing myself to feel this way.

i'm acting ridiculous and i know it. but, i have no one else to blame but myself for trying to be with him in the first place. i'm never drinking again.

i've thrown myself on my bed when i hear a knock on my door.

inwardly i cringe, knowing that there was only one person it could be, standing right outside of my door.