whatever it takes - odell beckham jr.

chapter forty

"did hurricane katrina come back to fuck you and only you up?"

i glare at jamal over my notebook. "really? do you realize that is about the worst thing you can say to a woman?"

"well i'm not tryna be mean, but you do look real bad ira. are you sure you should even be here?"

at this point in my life, i'm not sure of anything.
the last two weeks have been the very worst of my life. by far surpassing the first time that i caught odell cheating, because now it's more than just my heart that's broken.

adonis has been asking nonstop about when we are going home, and when he can see his daddy. and i still haven't found a way to break it to him.

"maybe you should just talk to him." he nods his head towards my phone, making me roll my eyes.
it's taken literally everything that i have in me not to answer him when he calls. the first week, he called often, and i always sent him right to voicemail.

the following week, it became less and less, until the last few days. crickets.

"no. i'm sure he's moved on by now anyhow."

"you really think that?"

i simply shrug, before changing the subject. "i'm really hoping that i get the er." noticing my weak attempt at a subject change, jamal just nods slowly.

"yeah, i hope you do too. i really want to be with cps."

our teacher enters the auditorium, causing our attention to shift. on the bright side of things school has been going well. my classes have all been coming easily to me, which is damn essential, considering it's hard as hell to let my mind focus on anything.

having adonis helps too since he keeps me busy and gives me yet another distraction to focus on. except for the times he asks about odell. we've already moved across the country, moved in with odell, and then back out again, all within the matter of a few months.

the only consistency that he has right now, is that i was able to keep the same babysitter that odell and i had been using when i lived with him. she's expensive, and well out of my price range, but i've managed to get by so far, skimping by on the little amount of money i had saved while i was with odell.

turns out, jamal ended up coming in clutch for me, since aside from being a full-time student he is also a full-time landlord. he rented me a small studio apartment, not requiring a deposit or a first and last month's rent. it's not the nicest place, but it's clean, in a good neighborhood and it's totally safe.

it's also very close to school, so i'm able to commute back and forth to campus on foot since i no longer have a car. i used that land rover simply to get myself out of odell's house. the very next day after i left, i had it towed back to his driveway.

he had called me at least fifty times that day, leaving me voicemail after voicemail telling me that it was my car and he didn't want it back. no way was i keeping that stupid car.

but, my apartment has been amazing. and jamal has given me exactly what i needed to be able to stay here and finish out this last year.

i figured that odell had already paid for the year of schooling. it's not like he would have been able to get his money back, so it only made sense to finish out the year.

however, i do have full intention of repaying him once i finish and secure a job where i'm making enough to live off. i'm able to keep myself busy enough during the day so that my mind has something else to focus on besides odell.

it only gets bad at night, when adonis is finally in bed and i am all alone, left with nothing else to distract me except for my thoughts of him. it's equally bad when adonis brings him up or mentions how much he misses him. that pretty much hits my guts.

but, from everything that i've learned in my studies, kids at his age are damn resilient. and i'm hoping that given a little bit more time, odell will be nothing more than a distant memory. i'm banking on that. at least for him, odell will never be a distant memory for me. i'm just praying that someday soon, the thought of him doesn't hurt as badly as it does right now.

⚭

"this one's suicidal." the officer pushes a couple of papers across the desk to me. "she was pulled over for drunk driving and then as soon as we were about to arrest her, she began making all of these statements."

i try hard to contain my eyeroll, the one that seems to try to escape me at just about every turn here during my clinical rotation. i had imagined that being a social worker in the emergency department would be super rewarding, and almost glamorous. sadly, i was wrong.

there are a few cases sprinkled into the shit show that seems to be er life, a few true psychiatric people who desperately need some help. but most of the people that i see are all behavioral issues. kids who don't get their way so instead of using coping mechanisms, they rage at their parents and then try to make them feel guilty for not giving into them by threatening suicide.

the drunks who get so intoxicated that they do things that on a normal day, they never would. or cases like this one, where someone gets in trouble with the law and uses suicidal statements as a get out of jail free card.

"okay." i nod at the officer. "anything specific that i should know about?"

he just shakes his head. "nope. she's free to go when you're done with her, once she's sober. i'm not taking her to jail tonight or anything. she's got her ticket, and it says right on it when she needs to appear."

"alright." i grab the case file and toss it into the stack, not even bothering to look at her name or information. i can't talk to her until she's sober anyhow, at least not to do her evaluation. so, she'll be here for a while.

he nods down at me before leaving, and i turn my attention back to my case load. so far, i'm learning a lot, and if i'm being honest? i'm learning that this is not the environment that i would be interested in working in once i graduate.

too much hustle and bustle, way too big of a caseload for a social worker to ever feel like they are doing any good for the world and way too many people that abuse the system. but at least jamal is loving cps and has totally found his fit.

i may have to jump ship for my final semester, because the er is not the one for me. the night goes by quickly. i only have a few hours left in my shift, but of course, i still have a stack of patients left to see. the other bad part about the er? you never get out on time.

"ira-reice?" i glance up and see one of the nurses alissa, standing in front of me.

"hey. what's up?" i stop my work and listen intently.

"the woman that the police brought in is finally sober. i just wanted to let you know. she seems pretty anxious to get out of here."

"i'll check in with her soon."

alissa walks off and i wrap up my current patient, before glancing up at the clock and sighing. i shoot my sitter a text letting her know that i will be late, yet again, before trudging down the hallway to see my final patient for the night.

⚭

the stunning woman that i remember looks far different than she did on our first encounter. at least, that's from my view in the dark. she looks like a hot mess. i can only imagine how badly she would look with the lights on. this knowledge totally makes me smile.

i reach for the light switch before sitting down, and the woman sits up straight on the bed. "please don't turn the lights on, i have such a bad headache. the dark helps."