whatever it takes - odell beckham jr.

chapter thirty-two

as if reading my mind he sighs hard. "baby, please don't."

"don't what? i'm just gonna miss you, that's all."

"promise that is all that's going through your mind right now? i really think you're thinking about, other things."

"i promise." i lie. "are you sure you're okay with waiting for the sitter to get here? i can wait. i don't want you to miss your flight."

"missing my flight wouldn't matter. i don't want you waiting around and then rushing off at the last minute. i want you to take your time getting to college and drive slow."

"i will." i reassure him, but his face remains skeptical.

"are you sure you wouldn't rather just have me drive you? i don't mind–"

"i'm gonna have to drive myself again at some point. i'll be fine."

in all honesty, i haven't gotten behind the wheel since the accident. even though it wasn't my fault, i've still been a little nervous. but today is the first day of my classes, and if i let odell know i'm nervous to drive, his shit will freak. it's bad enough i'm finally breaking down to drive the jeep he bought me.

"okay." he plants one more kiss on my lips. "i love you, ira. i'll call you every night." he takes my hand, as i glance up the stairs. "don't wake him, baby. let him sleep in."

"fine. but promise me you'll wake him up before you leave. he'll be crushed if he wakes up and realises you're gone too."

"i promise. i would never leave without telling my son goodbye."

my heart swell at his words. although, they still make me slightly uneasy. but only because i'm still not so sure my trust is really in this.

he leads me out to the car, kissing me hard again before making sure i buckle up my seatbelt. he stands in the driveway waving to me until i can no longer see him in the rear view mirror. and that stupid feeling in my stomach will not go away.

⚭

"alright. so as most of you know, the main portion of your grade will be based off your clinical studies. you will all be required to complete one hundred and twenty hours of clinical time to complete this semester. this semester will focus on the child, and then next semester will focus on adult mental illness. you will be dealing with mental illness in children as well. so some of the tools that you learn now will help you out next semester."

i'm trying to focus. really, i am. but my mind is having a tough time staying on task. despite trying to stay focused, my mind keeps wandering back to odell, and the fact that he isn't gonna be there when i get home tonight. this isn't supposed to bother me.

had i just been able to stick with the original plan, this wouldn't be an issue to begin with. but stupidly, i allowed him back in. even though he called me last night from his hotel room, i still could imagine all the possibilities that could been happening after we hung up.

i can't help but feel foolish for allowing myself to be in this position again. to be in a place where literally, one wrong move by him would start my fire of hatred to burn again. all over again.

"you're in my group." a hand taps me on my shoulder, and i jump before swinging my head to the side.

"i'm sorry?" i blink up at the man standing in front of me, who flashes me a wide smile at my obvious look of surprise.

"we're in a group together. we're in a pair."

"we're both pairs." i repeat, still confused. "right. pairs." i nod my head whilst he laughs.

"it's easy to drift off in this class. it's a touch on the boring side, right?"

"right." i agree. even though, i've barely been paying attention all day, so i really have no idea how boring it is.

"i'm jamal." he extends his hand.

i nod, before gathering my things. "jamal, i'm ira. and i promise i'm not usually a space cadet. i'm actually a pretty good student, i just seem to have a lot on my mind today. so, i apologise, but do you think you could fill me in on what i missed?"

"sure thing." he leads me across the auditorium to a set of chairs over in the corner. i take a seat, and pull out my notes. "just tell me the last thing you got there."

i glance down at my very blank sheet of paper whilst sighing loudly. "ah, i wrote down the date. that's as far as i got." i'm lucky i have been paired up with a guy like jamal. instead of getting irritated with me, he laughs me off instead.

he pulls his chair up next to mine and fills me in on what i've missed. by the time i'm caught up, almost an hour has gone by, and we've barely gotten into what we need to do for our project. our professor dismisses the class and jamal glances over to me.

"i wish i could stay later so that we could get working on this, but i can't today. i volunteer at the big brothers organisation on wednesday nights. maybe we should exchange phone numbers so we could figure out a time outside of class to work on this?"

"definitely. my time is kind of limited, however i'm sure we can work something out."

"sounds good."

i hand him my phone and he pauses, staring at the picture of adonis and i on the screen. "cute kid. he yours?"

i smile wide and nod. "yeah. meet the number one reason for my limited amount of time."

"bet he's worth it." he smiles again before typing in his contact information.

"most definitely." i agree, doing the same with his phone, entering my own information. 

"well, ira. it was nice to meet you. i'll be in touch, okay?"

i nod my head, and he tilts his head towards the door. "actually, you parked in the south lot?" i let out a small 'yeah' before he breaks out into a smile. "c'mon then. it's starting to get dark out. i'll walk out with you."

we make small talk on our way out to the parking lot.

i learn that jamal is from right here, in louisiana. he has never been married and doesn't have any children. he has lots of siblings though and seems to be fond of them and his parents.

he asks me a little bit about adonis and seems surprised when i tell him that i'm not from here. he says at least twice how i look so familiar to him.

the words make me shudder, and i hope to god he doesn't recognise me from some of the pictures that have made the rounds of the internet. we finally reach my car and he whistles.

"wow. nice ride."

i glance over to the jeep before pausing. "um, thank you."

"seriously. i love these things, i've always wanted one. never gonna be able to afford one." he grins. "but a guy can dream, right?"

"i can't really–" my words die before i shrug. "thanks again."

no need in explaining that i most definitely cannot afford it either. that would entail explaining that my ex boyfriend, who is now my new boyfriend bought it for me. he may then ask who my boyfriend is, and well. i ain't tryna get into any of that.

so instead, i wave goodnight before climbing into the ridiculously expensive vehicle and driving myself home.