Randy||bxb||Roadtrip Oneshots

Living off Memories of Love pt.1

Andy had never loved before Rye. He had all his first with him over the two years they got to spend together, just seventeen years old. So Andy grew used to the butterflies that never left. He became accustomed to waking up in the comfortable hold. A sight he was very fond of, the messy brown hair and the beautifully sculpted face.

Andy has never been a romantic; he didn't want to believe in the cliche movie moments. Even after all those moments, he shared with Rye. The way the blond felt that wave of emotion that came with every kiss, their lips like puzzle pieces. The way he still would blush at Rye's touch.

He told himself that even though he felt so at peace in the younger boy's arms, he didn't know love. The blond had no idea that he had found something that was so rare and special.

He had nothing to compare it too; so he took it for granted.

"Rye I think I just need to see the world, all I know is right here. How do we know that this is right?" Andy spoke that one night in March. They had stayed in all night relaxing in each other's company, ordering Thai food that they ate in front of the TV. He had thought about it for a while. The heartbreak was evident in the other's eyes.

Right under the surface, Andy felt insecure, secretly. Andy wasn't sure that they loved each other. How could he? All he knew was the way Rye held him when Andy couldn't sleep or who they knew almost everything about the other.

"Andy, I won't force you to stay. I just want you to know that I believe in us, it feels so right to love you," he spoke gently, but Andy could hear that his voice was about to break. His movements were calm as ever as he took the older boy's hand gentle as ever.

"That's what I'm scared of, how do we know it's love?" Andy looked up at the face had known for so long, a face he trusted.

"Can't you feel it?" The question came as a shock to both of them; Rye hadn't thought about asking. It had come out so naturally. Rye did the feeling that was there whenever he spoke to his boyfriend. The indescribable feeling of love. That just grew every day, loving Andy came naturally to Rye like he was made for it,

"I don't know what I'm looking for, Rye," Rye wanted to scream or at least understand what andy was saying. He did neither. This was written plainly on his face, his eyes that usually would light up the world.

Andy didn't feel the loss immediately; it took some time to sink in. He was free, as he said, but he didn't feel like it.

He stayed alone for a while, focusing on friends and family. He couldn't stop thinking about Rye, and it bothered him that he couldn't let go.

He then started dating again, going on mutable dates with different people. He didn't connect with them very well, the few that actually got past the first date didn't make it further than a month, that was the longest. He kept comparing them to Rye, he didn't realise this was an impossible standard.

At first, he just thought he hadn't met anyone who was just right, just yet. It wasn't for months that he realised that maybe he had done just that; met someone who was perfect. And he had let him go, and for what? Fear?

"You'll never appreciate something until it's gone."

That proved to be right. Andy had just assumed he would find someone who he clicked with. He didn't for months. Feeling their hand on hand on his just felt wrong.

He gave up on dating feeling that he might spend more time with himself. Maybe, knowing what love was, wasn't about meeting more people and comparing but getting to know yourself. He tried his theory out by spending time alone with his thoughts. Andy found himself discovering a part of himself that he had ignored previously. It was deep inside, the part that had known all along; even before he had doubts. He had loved, intensely so.

Looking at old pictures he understood what he had done. Living of memories of love, he clutched desperately to hope, as he built up the courage to try again.

He thought about the look Rye had given him when he confessed his doubts about them. Rye had been so sure of what they had. Always sure about the way he felt. And Andy has left without trying to talk thing out. His biggest regret that night was not trying to mend what he thought broken.

Now he couldn't forgive himself.

:::
Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed it!

Also...
I just wanted to remind my dear friend Ari that she's beautiful and amazing in every way, love you ❤️

Jo xx