Unwanteds High (AU)

Chapter 22

Heyyyy guys. Just thought I should quickly say this but there is the S word in this chapter. I promise it's very
minimal! Sometimes Samheed can't hold his tongue. Sorry if you're uncomfortable with that, but I hope you enjoy this chapter anyways ^_^

((Alex's POV))

I ran into Sam's room laughing my head off before I shut the door behind me. Snickering, I knew Henry would follow Thatcher instead of me.

But I wasn't going to be long. I just had to grab my phone charger and then I would be back downstairs. I had dumped all my stuff in here with the rest of the guys.

Once I grabbed my charger, I was about to make my way out of his room...

When something caught my eye.

I looked back on Sam's bed and noticed a journal that hadn't been out before. It was open squarely in the middle. I recognized that book. Sam had read from it when he performed in front of me.

This book seemed very private. Something I shouldn't look at. I bit my lip, unsure of what to do.

But it was right there. It was like offering candy to a toddler and waving it in front of their face.

"No, that's wrong," I mumbled to myself, grabbing the door handle. "I can't do that..."

Or could I. What if I read some of it and never told anyone? Sam would never know I read anything if I just kept it in my brain. After all, his monologue he wrote that he performed in front of me was so good that I wanted to see if he had anything else that was just as good if not better.

Making sure the door was shut tight, I went over and sat on Sam's bed. Taking the book in my hands, I could feel it's soft cover in my hands with it's thin pages.

I looked down to see what the page was opened to. A journal entry.

"1/15

My feeling have been a mess. My heart won't stop beating so much around him.
I love Alexander Stowe.
Thing is, I have to act like I hate him. If I act like I like him, I might show my love for him too much. Meg will catch on.
And she can't catch on. Nobody can.
I want him. I desire him. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I want his lips on my lips, and I want him to hold my hand. Is it weird to feel this way? Is this love or just infatuation? All I know is that his chocolate brown eyes are too mesmerizing to look away from. His hair is the perfect length. Everything about him is perfect.
But I have to hate him... For my school image and to not show my real feelings.
But I love him. And I can't deny it any longer. I'm going to sleep. Maybe it will get rid of these stupid feelings.

Signing off,
Sam."

I paused. Then I dropped the book, closing it for good. I felt my whole body grow cold and begin to shake.

I regret reading that page so much.

What was that? Was Samheed gay? No, he's with Lani. He can't be gay. So he must like girls and guys.

But why would he like me? I'm just a simple dude who plays soccer... And does academic team... And who is the art club president... And a part of student council.

Well then.

My mind was racing as I tried to make sense of all of this. Sam liked me all that time and didn't say anything? I mean, I'm not gay. I'm straight myself... But he could have told me.

But we weren't friends then. And I would have rejected him straight up.

Somehow though, deep in my heart, I felt betrayed. Here I was, living my ordinary life, and I didn't even know he loved me. It felt good to be cared about that much, but it still felt weird that my best guy friend  looks at me that way.