Hate To Marry You (Completed)

Chapter 14 Plan to go Home

Zion's POV

Nagising ako ng maaga while Jade slept like an angel on the bed. Angel or a devil in disguise. I sometimes wonder how she did lure me to this marriage that easily. In a heartbeat, I agreed to all her plans. Ang bilis ng desisyon kong pakasalan ito.

Naalala ko na naman na muntik ng may mangyari sa amin kagabi. Kung hindi pa ako napigilan ni Jade. I felt like a voracious animal always seeing her as a prey. I've been longing to have her but I know I couldn't- the pain of the past kept on haunting me. Ewan ko kung hanggang saan ang tibay ko pagdating sa paulit ulit nitong pag reject sa nararamdaman ko. It must be this difficult for her to be with me. I tried to avoid her as much as possible. Pero siya naman itong kusang lumalapit at gusto pang sa loob ng room ko matutulog.

Sobrang sakit ng ulo ko. Napaupo muna ako sa sofa habang sapo ko ang ulo ko. Malamang hangover ito dahil andami ko ring nainom kagabi. Minsan ang alak lang ang tanging paraan para makalimutan ko ang sakit ng pagkawala ni Nate. Until now, I can't accept the death of my son. I still blame myself for the accident. At times, I blamed all of the people around me, the circumstances. No father is prepared for the death of their child. Sana kung buhay pa si  Lisa, may kasama sana ako sa pagluluksa. Sana may nagmamahal sa akin at may karamay ako sa panahong kinuha sa akin si Nate. Magmula ng nawala ang anak ko, parang tumigil na rin ang pag ikot ng mundo ko. There will always be a void in my heart that no one can fill. I am still longing for him, in denial of his death. Ang tanging alaala na iniwan sa akin ni Lisa, kinuha pa sa akin. I can't get over with my grief. Naalala ko na naman si Nate na tumatakbo pagdating ko sa bahay. May batang tuwang tuwa pag nakikita ako. Hindi ko pa rin mapigilan minsan ang maluha pag inaatake ako ng lungkot.

Nawalang bigla ang sakit ng ulo at hilo ko ng marinig kong humikab at uminat si Jade. Umangat ang damit niya and I saw her rib cage. My goodness! Ibang klase rin ang babaeng ito. She looks so innocent or she just acts innocently. Umiwas ako ng tingin dito. I think it's not a good idea for us to stay in one room. Lalo na ayaw naman nitong may mangyari sa aming dalawa. Ayokong mahulog ulit ang loob ko dito. I was trapped with my feelings for her for years. Tama na ang apat na taon kong panliligaw dito na nauwi naman ang lahat sa wala. For some, I may sound so weird and obscess before sa kanya but I am still hopeful all throughout those years. Kung hindi lang nito inamin na may namamagitan sa kanila ni Chase. Hindi sana ako sumuko, ang ayoko lang ay may naaapakan akong ibang tao lalo na kapatid ko pa. If I don't leave, I may not have Lisa as my wife, I may not have Nate. I never did regret my decision before as Lisa had loved me unconditionally until her last breath. Now both of them were gone and I am left with Jade. The person who can't love me back in return! The person who cause me so much grief. She was there along with Chase during my son's death. Hindi pa rin nawawala ang sakit ng kahapon. "Zion are you okay?" Ang tanong pa ni Jade na puno ng concern ang boses. I wish she is really concerned with the way she sounded.

"Oh yeah! I'm fine." Usal ko pa dito. I don't want her to feel that I'm on a deep grief. I don't think so she knows what I'm going through. I don't need sympathy from her. In fact, I married her thinking that she would make things easier for me. She can help ease this pain away. Pero parang mas nadagdagan pa nito ang sakit dito sa puso ko. The rejection that I got from her over and again pierced my already wounded soul.  I don't really need to be emotionally involve with her. "I have to prepare at pupunta pa ako ng opisina. Pag may kailangan ka, nandiyan si Aling Lucy at Mang Jay. Pwede mo rin akong tawagan anytime sa cell phone ko." Ang sabi ko pa dito. Kahit nasasaktan man ako, I need to take care of her needs at wala naman itong pamilya dito. Parang ako din na nag iisa lang dito. Malungkot na walang kasama sa buhay, walang nagmamahal.

Tumingin ito sa akin. "Alam ko may dinadala kang problema. Hindi ka naman magpaka lasing kung wala kang gustong kalimutan. Nandito lang ako pag kailangan mo ng makausap." Ang sabi pa nitong nakaupo na sa kama. Habang sinusuklay naman ng kanang daliri ang buhok na sumasabog sa mukha nito. Her face never changed. She is as beautiful than ever.