sunshine • myg + jhs

03

he's warm.
and his scent is calming.
but when i realize that i'm hugging him, i push away quickly.
i suck up the emotions that he somehow pulled out of me, and compose myself.
"i'm sorry to have acted the way i did, but you were just flat out wrong. that made me sad for you." i say.
i begin to turn away, headed back up to my apartment.
he knows i'm sick.
but i don't have to admit that.
he stops me by grabbing my arm just as i'm about to reach the stairs.
why won't he just give it up?
he doesn't even know me.
"don't leave, yoongi. i'm not letting you walk away from me upset,"
i stay with my back facing him.
the anger for my lost cigarette beginning to surface.
"why? why not?" i turn around and start towards him.
then we're close.
and that scent surrounds me again.
"why do you give so many fucks about me when i've been such a dick to you? why do you care, kid? you've only just met me and gathered false information about my livelihood. so why do you care? am i worth all of this work to you? because i'm not even worth half of the work you're putting in, to my own self. what's wrong with you kid? why do you care, so fucking much?"
he smiles and turns away from me, heading out towards the road.
i stand still, confused.
"well," he says looking back. "aren't you coming?"
i jog after him.
even more confused than before.
he stares down the road and i do the same.
a car is coming.
quickly.
it's far away.
only headlights are visible, but they're coming.
he looks at me and smiles.
then goes to stand in that car's lane.
"what the fuck are you doing? get out of the road, or you'll get yourself killed." i say calmly, not letting on how anxious it made me.
he tilts his head and keeps that grin plastered on.
i look at the car as it got closer.
"okay, really. what are you doing?"
he looks at the car and rocks onto his toes.
closer.
closer.
what the fuck is he doing?
closer.
closer.
closer.
"really. MOVE."
the corner of his mouth twitches up and he looks back at the car.
i do the same.
closer.
closer.
closer.
"MOVE OR YOU'RE LEGITIMATELY GOING TO FUCKING DIE." i'm yelling at him now.
he won't budge.
i'm so anxious for him.
tears well up in my eyes as the car gets closer.
closer.
closer.
closer.
"HOSEOK YOU-" i jump and push him to the grass on the other side of the road before hurrying to get there myself.
"you fucking dumbass," i finish, breathing heavily as the cars horn blares and the man driving curses us.
"why'd you save me. you don't know me. why'd you put in so much work? why'd you give so many fucks?"
i turn to face him thinking he's dumb because his doing isn't the same as mine, so i say: "i'm not going to let you kill yourself in front of my eyes,"
then his eyes pierce into my soul and he says, "exactly." he lays back down onto his back and stares at the sky.
i just look at him.
and see more than i'd normally allow myself to.
i finally shake away what's bubbling inside me and lay with him.
"why were you staring for so long?" he asks when i do.
i feel him turn to face me, but i stay staring at the stars.
"because you're pretty,"
he looks back up to the sky.
"you confuse me, min yoongi."
i stay quiet searching for a smart remark.
there isn't one.
so i settle with the truth.
"i confuse me too,"
we stay quiet, for a bit.
and something in me feels calm.
something that i never knew was raging.
i feel peaceful.
well as peaceful as i can be.
i'm min yoongi.
my brain is always screaming at me.
but now, it wasn't as loud.
i could hear the crickets.
i could hear the sounds of the city that sat two miles from the grass we lied upon.
i could hear him humming softly.
and everything was tranquil.
i feel his hand slide down my arm and wrap itself around my hand.
and i hold onto it.
not too tight, so i'm sure not to hurt him.
but i want to hold tight.
so it's harder for him to let go.
because nobody's ever cared like him.
and i don't even know his surname.