sunshine • myg + jhs

04

i wake in an unfamiliar setting to an unfamiliar scent.
flowers?
i sit up quickly.
confused.
there is a vase in the window seal, on the desk, on each beside table, and even one on top of the dresser.
where in the hell am i?
nobody i know likes flowers this much.
the last thing i remember was lying on the grass and staring at the stars with-
"good morning, yoongi." he smiles brightly.
i let myself study him.
his shirt was absent and he paid it no mind.
but i paid it all of my mind.
he was carved so perfect.
"so i guess you had been drinking yesterday. more than you thought you had been, i'm assuming. you said some things. told me about your sickness. about jimin. about your mother and father and everything, really. then you passed out. and i didn't know which apartment was yours so i brought you here and let you rest."
he sits next to me on the bed, and i want to look at him.
but i don't allow myself to.
"what all did i tell?"
"lung cancer. a few months. you used to be in love with jimin. then you killed all your feelings. your parents never supported your dreams and kicked you out when you were in your early teens because of your sexuality then they came around and you were 'still a good person' so you went back to them. and thats pretty much the gist."
i feel tears building up in my eyes as i think of old memories.
"i miss talking to jimin. we used to be so close. then my diagnosis came. and i-i-"
he took me in his arms and the warmth of his bare chest radiated through my clothing, soothing me in a way.
why am i crying?
why do i trust him?
i wrap my arms around his back and pull him closer to me.
his warmth and his scent and the closeness of him made me feel better.
but made me cry more.
and he let me.
he just held me.
while i weeped like an idiot.
he held me.
he didn't lie and tell me it'd be okay.
he didn't shush me or say that he knew.
he just held me.
comforted me because he knew i didn't need lies.
and when i pulled away after a long long time.
he kissed my cheek and told me he was there.
that's what snapped me out of it.
i stood up swiftly and my head pounded as if it were trying to tell me to sit down and shut up.
"thank you," i say. "for yesterday i mean,"
i wipe my cheeks and turn to head away.
he follows, as figured.
"wait what? you're going?" he asks.
i nod, not looking at him.
i could hear the hurt confusion in his voice and couldn't bare to see it on his pretty little face.
"now if you could direct me to my coat that'd be greatly appreciated,"
"yoongi what is going on why are you being like this suddenly? you talked to me. we're- we're friends!"
i scoff.
"i don't have friends, kid. because, as i'm assuming i told you when i was drunk, everyone leaves. i'm too old to deal with departure again."
i see my coat on the back of a chair and i rush to put it on.
"thank you again. but we're not what you think. good bye now."
but before i'm out the door, two strong hands are wrapped around my waist and i'm yanked back into the apartment.
he shuts the door and puts me against it and i can't help feeling weak.
not only is he taller than i am, his eyes portray this power that i have no capability to match.
"you stand there. and you listen to me. i know you know my name first of all. you shouted it out when you moved me out of the way of the car yesterday. it's proper manners to use it. secondly, i know you're scared of trusting me because of how hurt you have been. but look at me in the eyes and tell me that's really how you want to spend what's left of your life. afraid of getting close to people because you've been hurt. i may sound insensitive but let me elaborate before you get angry and storm away. you've been hurt. i completely understand that. and that it's scary to get back out there once you've been hurt like you have. but yoongi, just because some people are bad and have hurt you. doesn't mean i will. i don't want to. because you're a human. you're a complete, complex, human, with human emotions. no matter how much you like to try and hide it, i know. and no human should have to feel emotional hurt. why do i believe this? because i've been through trauma too. i've been hurt too. so i will never, i mean never, try to hurt you. you can trust me. just breathe. because when i say i'm here those aren't just words, yoongi. that's my promise. i'm here. so leave now if you'd like. but i'm not going anywhere."
i take a deep breath and stare at his face.
so soft and sweet, yet so stern at the same time.
i let out an airy chuckle that pained me a bit and held out my hand for the thing he took from my coat pocket.
"give me my cigarettes. i have work."