sunshine • myg + jhs

06

his hands slip slowly into the dip of my waist and he pulls me close.
i'm terrified.
completely, and totally, absolutely terrified.
and nobody was there to call out for.
not that it'd help if there was.
i couldn't make any noise even if i tried.
his other hand wraps around my throat as his body presses mine into the exposed brick behind me.
his cock is hard against me and my brain is moving so quickly it's all a blur.
"namhyung. p-please don't do this."
i croak out.
his fist tightens around my throat and he moves his head to look into my eyes.
"c'mon, you know i can't stop now. you look so pretty when you're helpless."
the hand on my waist makes its way to my cheeks to wipe the tears.
"n-namhyung,"
tighter.
my vision blurs and i begin to fade in and out of nothingness.
"shhh it's okay. you won't hurt too bad in a bit. you will, however, regret what you did,"
"nam-namhyung for y-you. i don't- i don't want you in tr-trouble."
he grips tighter.
"i just wanna make you sleep for a little while, baby. i'll never hurt you like that,"
my vision goes black, but i can still hear him.
and feel him.
how does he get off to me blacking out?
he doesn't force sex onto me, no, but he's obviously hard and it's disgusting.
"now next time you speak to a man, you ask for my concent, hear me?"
"i'm n-not your pro-perty"
the way i speak is quiet.
and it's hard to manage even small words.
but i do.
and that sets him off.
his fingers dig in and i'm sure i'm dead, but i wake up a day later with minor bruises and no namhyung.
so i brush it off until next time.
it saddens me that i know there will be a next time.
it saddens me that this is normal.

"namhyung happened. again," i finally answer, after taking my time flashing back.
"oh my gosh yoongi, he's back? and he did this? you really need to call the cops on him! he's going to murder you one day! then i'll murder him. an jung-"
"yes yes you go through this every time. jungkook will try and help you then he'll be an accomplice and you two will have to move to america and everything will go wrong. i know. i'm sorry. but i can't call the cops. namhyung... he's close with everyone. and unless i have cold hard proof that namhyung did this, like a video with his face or the police witnessing it or multiple witnesses... they won't believe the story."
"set up a camera next time he comes! problem solved."
i chuckle.
"oh sweetheart. i don't invite him. he somehow got a key and comes when he pleases. but he has no intention of hurting you. and if he ever does. i will make sure he gets gone for good. and i'm sure you're boyfriend will as well,"
"he has a name, yoongi." he whines, popping in the cookie dough.
"i don't like him so i refuse to use it," i say proudly.
"is that why you don't use my name?" he asks.
"n-no of course not. it's because i like you too much. and old me didn't want any attachment. but here i am. new yoongi. and you're... you're jimin."
"was that hard?" he asks sincerely.
"yes, actually. i'm letting myself trust you again. it's very hard."
he puts his head on my shoulder wrapping his arms around my waist to hug me and i realize then just how long it's been.
i haven't hugged jimin, in half a year.
he's so sweet.
so soft.
and i haven't even thought about it.
i'm crazy.
"now let's discuss who that was you almost died for, and i'm assuming you spent the night with them too. was it... a guy... maybe?"
"oh no no no. let's not talk about him. i don't like him. he's annoying and he stole my cigarettes. he works at the bakery, and i'm assuming he had just gotten off of work and spotted me smoking yesterday. he came up to me telling me all this shit he had observed and it was all right and i hate that. then he took my cigarette for the THIRD time in less than two days and now that i'm thinking of it i should have punched him. then he was trying to prove a point and went in front of the car and i couldn't just let him die so i saved him, that was the point and i proved it to my own self. and yes i stayed with him last night because i'd been drinking more than normal yesterday and i got drunk. then this morning i woke up and cried a lot in his shoulder and he just held me. and i loved it. then he said he'd be there. and i snapped out of it. because haha. nobody who has enough confidence to say that ever really stays. like dude my parents didn't even stay. how am i supposed to trust that you will. and then i asked him for my cigarettes and he told me no. i didn't want to fight him so i just left. then i heard him cry and something panged- panged? is that a word? oh well- i felt a pang in my chest but i couldn't go back in because i'd made him cry. so i walked to go buy more cigarettes then smoked a lot. i don't want to talk about him. anything but him."
"you don't want to talk about it... but you just gave me an oral report. yeah yoongi you like him. and no panged isn't a word."
"you're actually crazy. i don't like him!"
"have you smelt him and thought to yourself, refreshing?"
i don't answer right away so jimin moves.
"and i figure you saw him shirtless considering you spent the night at his place. when that happened, did you stare?"
i look away.
"do you call him by a name other than his own?"
i look down.
all of it's true.
jimin knows the old me.
the me i'm getting back to.
"you like him."
"no none of that proves that i like him. it proves that he smells nice, that he looks nice, and that i can't remember names."
"what's his name?"
"i don't know."
"what's his name?"
"i don't know."
"yoongi. what's. his. name?"
"jimin. i. don't. know."
"okay fine but i have a couple more questions."
"which apartment is his?"
"35 C"
"his hair is red, right?"
"yup."
"how has work been treating you."
"okay i guess. that's where i met him by the way."
"how'd you meet?"
"they asked me to train him."
"did you like my breakfast that morning?"
"yeah."
"what else happened that day?"
"we met in the alley way and he said i smelled nice then started saying shit and put out two of my cigarettes then called me the cock. psh."
"how tall are you?"
"jimin why-"
"how tall are you?"
"174 centimeters"
"one more thing. whats his name?"
"hoseok- fuck."
"thank youuuu."