sunshine • myg + jhs

16

i take a step.
not too much pain.
well, a lot of it.
but i'm used to it now, so it's bearable.
i'm getting better quickly.
they have me on a walker now, and it's only been two days.
so i guess namhyung isn't as strong as we all thought.
i push the walker to the floor and take another step.
i'm working towards hoseok.
and i'm almost there.
"c'mon, babe you got this. a few more steps." jimin cheers.
i put more weight on the walker as it gets more difficult to bring myself to my next step.
"yeah yoongs you got this." hoseok says.
i can hear him smiling.
i stop and look up at him.
"yoongs?"
"don't act like you hate it, hyung. we all know what a kitten you are. and kittens just need love and sweet names," jimin says.
"no you're right i don't hate it. just. different i guess?"
"yeah. okay. now yoongi walk." the nurse says.
i don't like her.
so i try and rush.
but i put too little weight on the walker and too much weight on my body and i slip.
"fuck," i whisper, my breath being stolen.
i want to scream out because of all of the agony i'm in, but i can't.
i roll to the unhurt side and try to catch my breath.
but jimin and hoseok are already there to try and lift me.
that's when i snap.
"NO!" i shout, then lower my voice quickly, realizing how badly it hurt my lungs to scream, "i don't need your fucking help. i'm a grown ass man. i can do it my fucking self. let me."
"let me help you, hyung. that's why i'm here. i'm here to get through this with you. remember last night? i'm here." hoseok says offering his hand.
"yes, hoseok. i remember it. i cherish it and the promises that were made. but i'm not helpless, i can do this. back away. please."
"yoongi i ca-"
"hoseok. please."
he nods and backs away, pushing jimin back as well.
i stay on my side for a moment, letting the pain dull down.
shutting my eyes tightly and breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth.
"you can do it baby. i believe in you." he says.
i smile opening my eyes.
he's cute.
i push up and roll onto my hands, gripping onto the railing on the wall as i stand up.
the two boys clap as i get to my feet.
"see," i say. "i've got this."
hoseok ruffles my hair.
"i know you do. but you don't need to have it alone."
"are you okay?" jimin asks.
"yes, i'm fine," i answer, although the agony i'm in is tremendous.
"okay. you got this. come to me baby. just a couple steps. then we can go back to the room and get you a good movie on and some food," hoseok encourages.
i nod, blinking tears away as i step towards him.
one step.
two steps.
three.
aching bones.
aching side.
aching lungs.
aching.
but i get there.
and do as promised.
we go back to my room.
"jimin?" i say, wheeling myself into the elevator.
"yes, hun?"
"i want you to go see your boy dude."
he chuckles.
"you mean jungkook?"
"yeah. that guy. i know it's killing you to not be able to see him. i'd like you to go spend some time with him."
"yoongi-"
"plus i want some time with hobi,"
"oh, you could have led with that, hyung," the doors open and he helps me over the crack between the elevator and solid floor as hobi keeps the doors open with his arm.
jimin helps me into the room and i get into bed with hoseok's assistance.
his bruises are browning.
they're getting better.
i still haven't seen myself, though.
hoseok and jimin won't let me.
they say that it'll hurt me to see what he did considering how i felt about him when we were in our prime.
i know the pain i have, so i've visualized what it looks like.
and i don't think it'll upset me.
if anything it will help me.
jimin grabs his jacket and pulls it over his arms.
"i love you, don't miss me too much,"
"yeah yeah. bye jiminie."
he smiles and gives a light kiss on the top of my head before bidding hoseok farewell and leaving.
i reach on my night table and grab my phone to check the time.
beauty radiates from my screen.
"wow," i say looking at him as he searches for a movie, "i love it."
he comes towards me, "love wha- oh yeah i forgot. i put a ton of pictures on your phone and reset your backgrounds for when you miss me,"
i chuckle.
"i can promise you, i'll enjoy every last one of them,"
he smiles.
it's quiet for a moment.
the only sound being a commercial playing quietly in the background.
until i look up at him and break the near silence.
"hoseok?"
"yes, baby?"
"i- i wanna see what he did to me." i manage, my voice cracks on the way out.
"yoongi i dont think-"
"i know. but it's my ex. and my face. i want to see what happened when the two got smashed together. i want to see myself hoseok. i really think it'll help me."
i don't know what it'll help.
but it will, i know that much.
he nods sympatheticly, understanding the need, and helps me to stand then he spots me as i walk with my walker to the wash room
he steadies me in front of the mirror, before flipping the light switch on.
the reflection i see isn't mine and tears prick my eyes as i remember the times when i thought i loved namhyung.
my left eye eye just as my cheeks are swollen, my nose is big and and pink, my lip is grey.
"he'd never gotten me this bad before,"
i say touching my injuries to see how deep the pain ran.
"yoongi i-"
"i used to think i was in love with him hoseok. even with all the poundings and such. how can someone be so easily manipulated? how can someone be so manipulative?"
"like you said. you thought you loved him. you were lured into his evil embrace and didn't know how to escape it. it isn't your fault. don't you dare start thinking that,"