sunshine • myg + jhs

39

"yoongs?" i hear.
"no."
"yoongi c'mon. i'm here to make you feel better."
"go away."
"i can stand here and annoy you for hours until you cave andcome with me, or you could come with me now."
i sit my head up.
"taehyung i don't want to leave him. what if he wakes up and i'm not here?"
"yoongi he's not-"
i look at him cocking an eyebrow.
"if he does, we'll rush right back. i'm not taking you out of the hospital. c'mon."
i look at hoseok.
"tae i can't."
tears prick my eyes like cactus needles.
"yoongi, you're in a wheelchair. if you don't come with me now, i'm going to force you out of this room against your will."
i look at his hand that is clasped in mine.
so dainty.
i put my forehead against our hands as the tears start to become to much for my eyes to keep contained.
"taehyung i did this to him. i put him here like this. i can't leave him when i'm the one who did it. i can't."
i feel a hand on my back and i turn to look at him.
"i can't taehyung."
"yoongi. you have to. it's not good for you to be cooped up in here twenty four hours a day. you haven't eaten in weeks, you're paler than a ghost, you're coughing up more and more blood. yoongi, you don't even sleep anymore. you're min yoongi and you aren't sleeping. you need to leave the room. five hours tops."
"five hours? taehyung i-"
i feel something suddenly that makes me stop crying.
"what? what happened?"
"he squeezed my hand. he- he moved. he moved!"
"yoongi-"
"oh no. i can't leave him now! he moved! he's going to wake up soon! he moved!"
"don't you think it's funny that he moved when we were having this conversation? he's telling you it's okay to go. he'll be okay."
i look back to hoseok.
i remember the way he used to speak to me.
he would tell me to shut up and stop worrying for him.
he would tell me to go, that he wouldn't even dare wake up without be next to him.
i wipe my tears and wheel myself away from his bed.
"great job yoongi. i'm proud of you."
he opens the door and i make my way out.
"okay, i'm out of the room, now what do you want with me?"
"it's treatment day babe. they're allowing me to come back with you."
"you did all that so i could go get soggy? no."
i begin to turn myself around to go back inside, but tae grabs me by the handle and pulls me into the elevator.
"jimin and jungkook are going back there with us too. they're bringing food and games and we're just going to talk and play and eat until you're through. then you can come back here and be with him when you're done getting treated. you know he would have wanted you healthy."
i cross my arms and look up to taehyung.
his glasses sit low on his nose, and his facial hair has grown out a bit since the last time i saw him. his hair is dyed bleach blonde and it rests away from his forehead.
"you look different, taehyungie."
he stays quiet.
"okay. don't tell me why then. that's fine. you can tell me when i'm in my casket it's good."
"don't talk like that, hyung."
"you and hobi both hate when i speak truth! why? i'm dying! i have cancer taehyung, there's no stopping my death so it doesn't matter if i do or do not talk about it. it's coming. i'm better preparing you all for it."
"no yoongi. by you talking of those things your pushing us away. how can you not see that? by you saying you're dying anyway, you're trying to make sure we don't get to close to you because you're going somewhere. you think you're preping us? you aren't. you're trying to wiggle out of a relationship. you know we love you. and you're scared of that. so you talk about dying because you want us to back off. you're trying to stay as emotionally far away from everyone as possible. we say not to talk like that not because we're scared of the truth but because we love you and aren't letting you push us away. understand?"
i look up to him again.
"how can you be so dumb, yet say things that even i hadn't realized about myself."
its quiet for a few seconds.
"i'm not dumb. i'm just... the most intelligent people seem idiotic when they don't have to use their brains as much. because of their being smart, they have to apply that all the time, and when they don't have to anymore, they get dumb happy."
"so you're telling me, you're actually intelligent?"
"if you'd stuck around you'd know that."
the doors open as he realizes what he'd said.
"wait, no, that came out wrong."
"you aren't as intelligent as you think taehyung."
i wheel myself out of the elevator and he follows me.
"are you angry with me now?"
i look to him and smile a bit.
"no, taehyungie. right now i'm only angry with myself."