sunshine • myg + jhs

10

"you're a half-witted pretty boy with no knowledge of how the real world functions. everything is handed to you. you know nothing. granted i don't know you, but i can see it in your eyes."

"awe you think i'm pretty. how sweet. you're a definite sub. so i'm guessing you're more comfortable with cute aren't you?"

he tassles my hair and i stand up, towering over him.

by a centimeter, at least.

"listen." i get close to him, "just because you're my partner in this doesn't mean i'm including you. we both know i'm the smart one. we both know you're the one who fucks the whole school when he should be studying. we both know you don't want to do this. so leave me be and let me,"

"you're really slut shaming me? really?"

"i never called you a slut."

"i've only had sex three times you know. all with one person. not that it's any of your business anyway. and by the way i have a 4.0 and don't have to study because i'm just smart like that. i'm very interested in this project and would really love to do all the work for your sorry 3.5 ass, but we have to work together or Professor Choi will figure it out and flunk the both of us. so climb off your high horse and stop pretending you're all big and bad or i will do it forcibly."

"then a couple months go by. we finish before the date the project is due, and have no reason to hang out anymore. so we don't. for like 5 hours. then he texts me saying he's bored and we should put some finishing touches on the layout. he comes over. we start drinking, and get really deep and really really close. we ended up sobering up and getting even closer. then going on a few dates. but he had a girlfriend at the time. so when i find out i get very hurt, and very drunk. and i go to his apartment screaming at him."

"YOU LIAR. I TALKED TO YOU. AND POURED MY HEART OUT. I CRIED. YOU PIECE OF SHIT."

he covers my mouth and warns me of officers.

"i don't give a FUCK about OFFICERS JIMIN. YOU LIED AND LED ME ON AND DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO MENTION HER? YOU SCUM BAG. YOU'RE A SLUTTY LITTLE MAN WHORE AND I WAS RIGHT FROM THE START TO SLUTSHAME YOU. FUCKING AROUND WITH EVERYONE, MAYBE NOT BUT FUCKING AROUND WHILE DATING SOMEONE IS BULLSHIT."

tears stream down his face.

"yoongi. she- she's my cover."

my heart deflates.

"i hug him and apologize like 37 million times for the things i'd said until he goes limp in my arms from dehydration. i bring him inside and put him to bed. i lay on his floor, but can't sleep. i'm just thinking and thinking of what i had just done to my only friend. then he wakes at 2:57. i remember the exact time. and i sit on his bed and apologize some more. a lot more actually."

i hear the bed creak and i stand up instantly, to check why he's rustling around.

he yells in horror.

not having known i was still there.

"shhhh. don't worry. it's me. yoongi."

"why are you here?" his voice is colder than usual.

"i feel awful. i'm so incredibly sorry. i will never be able to express how badly i feel. i'm so so so sorry jimin, i really am."

"why. are you. in. my. dorm? it is 3 in the morning you should be asleep!"

"i stayed to take care of you, if you need me to or not doesnt matter. i'm doing it anyway."

"and what if i don't want you here? what you said hurt me. really really bad."

"if you don't want me here, i don't care. i'm not leaving. there's something i feel towards you jimin. i hated you so much. because i was so incredibly jealous. and everyone else is too. they made rumors that i chose to believe to give me a reason to stay jealous. then i met you. and you're so different than everyone says. and i start to like you. then i find out about someone else? and you weren't even mine. and it felt like i was being stabbed repeatedly in the heart. i got wasted so i wouldn't have to deal with it alone. alcohol is my only friend. besides you. well i guess i can't even say that anymore. but i had a lot to drink. and i was angry. and i wanted to make you feel as bad as you made me feel. and it was wrong. i know that. those are invalid excuses, but it's the truth. i am just a half-witted pretty boy with no knowledge of how the real world functions. and jimin i hate myself and will continue to hate myself for it for the remainder of this life and all of those that follow. i am so so sorry. you are so precious to me and i hurt you so bad. and i'm so so sorry. i'm so sorry."

he pulls me in and i can feel his heart beating.

"yoongi, we can't be what we were going to be any time soon. but, i'm kinda compelled to you. so i'd really love if we could stay friends."

i nod.

"i will wait. as long as you need i will wait. because park jimin. i'm falling in love with you. i won't let that go."

"and i continued to fall for him. until around a year ago. i kinda started to cut myself off from the world again. and then six months after that, i got diagnosed and started preparing for death. i cut off all ties. i started smoking more so i could die quicker. then i started drinking a lot. forced myself into numbness without realizing it. and now, i can't get unstuck. but. it's progressing a bit each day, i guess. retied with jimin. started a tie with you. i'm getting better, i think."
"i'm glad." his thumb runs over my knuckles and i love it.
just touching him.
"you're so pretty," i say without meaning to.
he seems a bit taken aback.
"thank you."
he's blushing.
so adorable.
"i've noticed that you avoid mirrors. any reason?"
"i'm just boring looking i guess. same old same old."
"boring looking? you're gorgeous. but you do not like same old same old. let's give you a change then."
"i could really use one."
he stands up and extends his arm for my hand.
"come with me."
"but we haven't even eaten ye-"
"i'll have jin cook for you. come. with. me!"