sunshine • myg + jhs

14

i wake to quiet voices.
i recognize one as hoseok's.
the other one sounds like an older man.
"so, how long?" hoseok asks.
"well, his condition is pretty bad. and the cancer isn't reacting to the treatment plus all of the cigarettes. but he's moving up there on the transplant list. so if that all works out soon then he'll be better."
"i didn't know he was being treated?"
"yes of course he's being treated. but he continues to smoke so it's like he's not."
"oh my goodness,"
his voice breaks.
my heart breaks.
"i'd give him six months, maybe less. so we're working hard to get his transplant."
"yes of course. thank you so much. is there anything else i should know?"
"he has physical therapy tomorrow at noon. make sure he's there on time. floor three second hall fifth door,"
footsteps trail away from the door, but hoseok doesn't come back in.
he cries.
i can hear him.
cursing quietly, trying to hold his breath.
i look to my side and see the wheelchair they'd used to bring me to physical therapy this morning.
all i have to do is get in it.
i push myself up and pain shoots throughout me, as if my entire body became a funny bone.
but i don't care.
he needs me.
and i told namjoon that no matter what happens to me, i'd keep him happy.
i grip onto my bed, then the night table, then the handle of the wheelchair, then i'm in it.
i bring myself to the door and open it, wheeling myself outside.
he wipes his eyes quickly.
"yoo-yoongi why are you up? you'll hurt yourself!" he scolds.
"i survived namhyung. i'll be okay."
"what woke you? it's late you need to rest up. so you can heal,"
"i'm going to fight this. and i'm going to beat it hoseok."
"you heard?"
"yes, i did, i heard. but i'm not letting what they say come true. i'm not letting this disease take me away from you. not yet. i'm going to fight it until it looses. i'm going to keep pushing. keep going until i've fought it away. i'm not letting this win. i'm not. i can't."
he crouches so he's even with me.
his eyes are bloodshot, and his hands are bruised. his face is busted up and his mind is racing.
and it's all my fault.
i have to stay so i can fix it.
"why didn't you tell me that i was wrong? that you were being treated?"
"i- i didn't want to make you... oh i don't know the word. stupid to put it bluntly."
he chuckles and to see him smile after having been crying warms my heart.
"yoongi, i'm going to be here, okay? through it all. you know that right? everything you have to go through i'll go through with you. you lose your hair i'm shaving mine. you stop eating, i will too until you start again. yoongi i'm going through this with you, okay? i know you're going to try to push me away. i know. i know you're going to get a bit short-tempered. but i'm not going anywhere. i promise you that right now. i'm not leaving."
he takes my hand into his.
and altough he's bigger than i am, my hands are larger.
he kisses my knuckles.
"so promise me you'll fight."
i pull him close to me and kiss his bruises.
"i promise you. i will fight. no matter how much of me is left. i will use all that i have to keep going."
he presses his forehead to our hands.
"good. now, we need to get you back to bed. you have therapy kind of early tomorrow."
he stands and wipes the tears from his cheeks, opening the door for me. knowing i'd feel helpless if he had to push me, he lets me maneuver myself.
"didn't he say it was at noon?" i ask wheeling myself back into the open door.
he chuckles.
"and when was the last time you woke up before noon, hyung?"
"good point,"
his arms try their bst to avoid the injuries i suffer as he lifts me to bed, but every thing hurts.
no matter what he touches it hurts.
but he doesn't need to know that.
he goes to sit in the recliner chair and pulls the book out that he'd been reading.
turning on the tiny lamp that was beside him.
the light didn't bother me.
it made his face more clear.
and even with bangs and bruises, he was gorgeous.
i stare at the beautifully placed features.
"hoseok,"
i say.
he looks up.
the word crosses my mind.
but i can't make myself utter it.
i rarely say it to jimin.
i've known him for most of my adult life.
but this feeling i have for hoseok.
in such a short amount of time.
it overwhelms me.
but my next wave of pain killers hits me hard forcing sleep upon me like it had been dropped from above.
so i had no time to think.
so i just asked the next thing on my mind.
"would you lie with me?"
he smiles and marks his page, putting the book down as i scoot over.
he crams in the available room and wraps his hand around mine.
"we got this yoongi. i promise you, we got this."