sunshine • myg + jhs

43

i stare at my hand confused.
across my knuckles, it's turned tan.
a gorgeous bronze tan that strangely resembles hoseok's skin color when he's lively.
i run my thumb across them and try to think of what could have made my skin tanned in such an odd spot.
it feels like there's something tied to it.
but i can't remember what.
i probably fell and bruised it during the scare, and it's yellowing.
i try hard to go back to the time, but i just can't remember it.
"yoongi hyung." i hear.
i turn to see jimin sitting next to my bed timidly.
"c-can i- i mean if it's okay with you may i- uhm. so. okay. is it painful if i- okay-"
"it's okay if you want to ask questions jimin," i chuckle, "go on ahead."
he looks down to his folded hands.
"they say when what happened to you happens, your soul comes out of your body for a little and you can kinda see what's happening to you and everyone you love but you can't feel anything anymore. is-" he pauses and looks up at me, "did that happen?"
i readjust myself so i'm sitting up a little straighter.
"well all i remember is hurting. it kind of felt like i was trapped. you know kind of struggling inside myself. taehyung was yelling for me to breathe and that made me struggle more. i got anxious and tried to move but i just couldn't. i was screaming but no one could hear me. because i wasn't really screaming. i wasn't moving or struggling. i was dying. then that's all. the next thing i remember after that is praying with all of you."
"so those things are rumors? your life didn't flash before your eyes? you didn't have the choice between life and death? those are. they're rumors?"
"from what i can remember, yes, they're all rumors."
"s-s-so." tears streak down his face. "yoongi you've got to fucking get through this. i'd never been more terrified than- than- y-yoongi i need you. you're falling apart and- and i love you so much. i've lost you once and i got you back. i'm not losing you again yoongi so you've got to get through this. you- you've got to yoongi. you can't do that again. yoongi if i lost you now, it'd kill me. you've got to survive this. you've got to. if you don't, if you don't i'll- i don't know what i'll do babe. you've- you've got to survive yoongi. you've got to. please promise me you'll do everything you can. please please promise me."
"jimin i promise you i'll-"
suddenly the door is thrown open and taehyung comes rushing in.
"YOU GOT IT!" he shouts, "THE DOCTOR'S ON HIS WAY RIGHT NOW TO TELL YOU. YOU GOT THE TRANSPLANT YOONGI. YOU GOT IT."
i look back to jimin he covers his mouth.
"oh my gosh. JUNGKOOK!"
tears prick at my eyes.
i got it.
i'm going to stick this out.
jungkook comes stumbling out of the bathroom wrapping a hospital towel around him as he tries to get out of the slippery room.
"HE GOT IT!" jimin shouts as he hugs his muscle pig of a boyfriend.
"YOU GOT IT?"
"HE GOT IT!" tae and jimin shout in unison.
i'm so beyond happy.
i'm going to live.
it's surreal to me.
i'd never thought i'd be happy about the fact that i was staying alive.
but i am.
"yoongi-ah!" the doctor says entering the room.
"i got it?" i ask excitedly.
"you got it!"
he comes to my bed and wraps his arms around me.
i hug him back.
he's warm.
like hobi always was.
"i'm so happy for you, min."
"thank you sungwoo. me too."
"we have to check you up really quickly okay?" he says, untangling himself from me.
i unbutton my robe and pull it down to expose my chest.
he presses the cold stethoscope to my heart and tells me to breathe as normally as possible.
he watches his watch for a few seconds, then moves it to the right side of my chest.
"deep breath for me."
i do as told.
he moves it down.
"again."
i breathe deeply through my nose.
it's easier to do that.
the tube helps me a lot.
"lean forward a little bit for me."
i do so.
"oka- wait what happened to his back?" everyone stops talking and comes to look at my back.
"yoongi what did you do?"
"i don't know! someone get a picture."
jimin snaps a picture and gives me his phone.
it looks like a big, fuzzy handprint on my shoulder.
the same color as my knuckles.
"i don't know. i'm sure it's fine. i get discolorations all the time."
"are you sure? i think we should check this ou-"
"no! no please. we can check it out before the surgery to make sure it's not going to hurt me but not right now. i'm happy right noa. please let me be that way. i haven't in a long time. i'm sure it's fine."
he nods and proceeds to check my breathing.
when he's done he extends his hand for a shake.
i take it happily.
"i'm so happy for you, min. i'm glad i got to have you as my patient."
i smile.
"i'm glad i had you as my doctor. you made a world of difference in my life."
he bows and i try but only get down a few inches.
he exits with tears in his eyes and as soon as he's gone, they all pile on top of me.
"YOONGI HYUNG!" namjoon shouts over the phone.
"NAMJOON!"
"YOU GOT IT?"
"i GOT IT!" i chuckle.
him an jin hyung scream happily into their phones and i can tell they are in a car.
they're coming to celebrate with me and i've only just gotten good news.
nothing has even really happned yet.
i'm so happy i've got them.
i'm happy i'm going to live to see them grow and become big and successful.
jungkook's going pro soon.
jimin's first day at the police department is in two weeks.
taehyung got a big part in a good movie.
namjoon's working with bighit as a producer.
jin, of course, already owns bighit.
i'm going to get to see them live out their dreams.
and i'm going to live out mine.
i'm going to marry my hoseok.
my sunshine.
sunshine.
why hadn't i thought of that yet?
"...please just. sing that when you want to make me happy. wake me up with that, put me to sleep with that. just please. never stop singing that."
wake me up with that.
he'd given me the answer before i even needed it.
i'll sing it to him.
if it doesn't help then it doesn't help.
at least i'll know i'm doing everything i can.
i know he's coming back.
i don't know how i know.
but i do.
he's coming back.
and i'm going to live.
we're going to be okay.
just like he'd promised me.