Finding You and Me: Bucky Barnes Fanfiction

Loneliness

Loneliness; Feeling sad or unhappy about being socially isolated.

I used to feel like I was in a pit of loneliness. I was stuck working for Nazi Scientists. I killed for them. Eventually, I grew vengeful and killed for me rather than them. I broke away from their grasp and decided to say, "Heck you!"

I still get lonely though. Being your only friend sucked. Especially when a person you looked up to hated your guts. I was partners with a particular man with a metal arm. He fought off brainwashing for 20 years. I never had the guts to do that. In fact, I let them do it. I wanted them to make me stronger; better.

That's why I grew out of it so quickly. Sometimes I don't even think I was brainwashed, but I was. I checked. It was just like I was a passenger in my body sometimes.

I felt lonely for fifty years. I was just an assassin in the shadows of my idol; the Winter Soldier. He hated me for those fifty years and all I wanted was to be accepted.

I never would have admitted any of this to him, or even myself because I knew he would see it as a sign of weakness. I never considered that need for acceptance would be because I had feelings for him, but now I know that's what it is.

After saying all that crap the other night, I know I do, but I don't know if he feels the same way. He never actually said he did and neither did I. We just slept together.

Nothing more.

I'm still lonely and I don't know if that will ever change. I also think I'm okay with that. I have Bucky for now, but when he remembers, he'll leave.

If he remembers.

Oh my God! Red you're a genius!

Just prevent him from remembering. All you have to do is give him the wrong advice. Right? That will work. That should work.

No. I can't do that. That's wrong. That'll just make him hate me.

For now, let's work on getting out of here. I stayed long enough to keep them off my back. I don't need the Black Widow or someone like that to be spying on me and Bucky.

I don't see any way for me to break out, so I guess I will have to talk my way out. I am really good at controlling people. It's a gift and a curse.

I know I won't be able to convince Natasha and Sam wouldn't do anything because he's new. I bet he only does as the Captain says. That only leaves said, Captain. It shouldn't be too hard in his emotional state.

Step one: Grab their attention.

"Hey, jerk face who locked me in here! I need to talk to a particular super soldier! Do you think that could happen? It's kind of urgent!" I scream at the top of my lungs.

"What do you want?" asks a guard and he rolls his eyes.

It grabbed someone's attention.

"Are you deaf? I need to speak to the Captain of Spandex. Now, I would appreciate it if you got his butt in here," I state.

"It's a good thing I don't care about what you would appreciate," he says and starts to walk away.

"Alright fine. I will get him myself," I suck in a deep breath before I start to scream again.

"WOULD CAPTAIN ROGERS PLEASE GET IN HERE? I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! I KNOW THAT YOU'RE WATCHING THE SECURITY FOOTAGE OF ME RIGHT NOW! I WILL KEEP SCREAMING IN YOUR EARS UNTIL YOU GET IN HERE! I THINK YOU WILL WANT TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!"

That takes a lot out of you.

I pause to catch my breath.

"PLEASE - "