Finding You and Me: Bucky Barnes Fanfiction

No Humanity Left

Do you know how long the average person stay unconscious after being hit in the head? Really not that long actually. It's very uncommon for a human to remain knocked out for more than a couple of minutes with drugs.

We aren't normal people though. Bucky and I have an enhanced metabolism. I would assume this would guarantee that he would only be out for a couple of seconds, maybe a minute. Boy was I wrong. Bucky has been out for an hour.

A freaking hour.

How hard did I hit this guy?

As if on cue, Bucky jolts awake. He seems very startled and confused. He quickly stands to his feet, but the blood rushed to his head and he got dizzy and stumbled.

"What the hell happened?" he asked me as he holds his head.

"Well, my dear old pal, you attacked me," I say and open up my desk drawer and grab an unopened bottle of Vodka.

"If I recall correctly, you attacked me first," he points out.

"Well then, you do not recall correctly," I say and take a swig.

Ah, the refreshing burn of alcohol flowing down my throat. Listen, I'm really determined to see if I can get drunk. HYDRA can't take everything away from life. Part of me just wants to prove them wrong.

"Why do you even drink? It's not like it will do anything. What's the point if you're not getting drunk?" Bucky asks.

Okay, mind reader much?

"I know I won't get drunk," I take another sip in between sentences, "I'm just hoping that one day there's a miracle and that will all change."

"Do you even remember what it's like to be drunk?"

"Do you?" I snap back.

"What did I do that makes you so pissed off? Ever since the other night you seem to hate me," Bucky says with frustration.

"I don't hate you I hate myself for thinking that this could ever work," I yell and chug another swig.

When I swallow, I feel the alcohol burning down my throat. I have to cough to stop the pain.

"What?"

"What do you mean what?" I stand up with anger.

"I admired you from the start. You were strong and didn't want to give into HYDRA. I gave up right away. I had to watch you get tortured for 5 years, and that was only part of it. I was jealous that you always got the credit. I was just your sidekick, not your partner, yet every time we were out together I knew I would take a bullet for you. You deserve to get your life back and I wanted that for you. You never seemed to care about me though. I was stupid to have come onto you. I knew you wouldn't see it as anything real, but in the moment, I didn't care. After I got back from being taken by your best pal, you didn't seem to care at all, or even notice I was gone! So I'm so sorry I care Bucky!"

He looks at me bewildered. It's like I opened up his eyes, but I'm not sure if that's good or not. I guess I'm glad he knows how I feel, but I also hate that I had to tell him.

"Red, I-I'm sorry," he tries to defend.

"Are you? I actually took a bullet for you. Multiple times. That was back when you hated me - "

"I never hated you," he interrupts.

"No. This is your turn to zip it. I get to talk now," I pause trying to think back on what I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted.

"I saved your life the other day with those HYDRA agents. I'm helping you right now by getting your memories back. I would do anything for you, no questions asked. The only thing you have ever done for me was preventing Rumlow from blowing me up. Why did you do that by the way? Oh yeah, so I would be alive to help you. You're so selfish. All you ever care about is yourself. Take the bike, but leave me the hell alone."

I turn around and start to walk to the door. I pull up the heavy door and turn off the light to the storage unit. When I start to pack up my newly packed things, he finally speaks.

"What about Steve? Are you still going to help me?"

Of course. Right back to him.

"We can't do much now because he is on a mission. They had to go get some psychos magical stick of wonder," I reply, but I refuse to look at him.

I mount my back and start the engine.

"There's my journal on that desk. It has everything you might need. Feel free to use the computer and download anything on a drive. Top left drawer," I say, allowing him to use me, again.

"Goodbye, Bucky."

~~~~~

"Are you sure you can't stay?"

Oh my God, needy people are so annoying.

"Sorry," I sigh and face the naked man in my bed.

"I have places to be," I finish.

"Like what? Maybe I can help," he says standing up and putting his boxers back on.

"Look, this was fun, but I have to go and you can't help me. You gave me everything I needed already," I say, but I don't mention all the shit I stole while he was asleep.

I have been couch hopping, well, bed-hopping, for the past couple months. I was wondering if Bucky would ever try to find me, but he didn't.

He went to a town in Romania, Bucharest. I assume he is trying to settle in, trying to live a normal life. I was thinking about going after him, but I know that would only hurt me more.

I have been really stressed. Stressed about officially being on my own. I can't depend on myself. Yes, I can survive on my own, but now I don't have an organization of resources on my side.

I have been taking all my anger out on some more assholes since I left Bucky. Nothing too serious. Just some drug dealers and shit. The police are after me, but they should be thanking me.

The Red Swan also just so happened to take down a very powerful gang. I'm sure the private plan that family had will come in handy soon.

Clearly, I have been busy, but I'm not the only one. I saw on the news a particular group of superheroes fuck up Sokovia pretty bad, so that's nice. I also noticed two ex-soldiers looking for me and Bucky. They really need to get better at covering their tracks.

"Are you sure?" Jason asked as he snaked his arms around my wrist.

To be completely honest I have no idea what this guys name is. I'm sure he told me and I knew it at one point, but I definitely forgot it.

"Positive," I grit my teeth.

What is this guy's issue? Is 'no' not in your vocabulary?

"See, I think you need someone like me around. Someone to protect you. It's a scary world out there, Scarlett."

Is that what I said my name was? Wow, clearly I'm really bad with names.

"And I'm pretty sure you want to die," I say getting irritated.

I pull a knife from my waist and stab him in the neck. Blood pools out of him and it doesn't even phase me. I feel like I should care, but it's like I don't even have any humanity. I thought I was getting better with Bucky, but I left.

It's all gone again.

His body drops and all I can think about is how grateful I am I'm not in a hotel. I decide to wait a bit before staging the body. I just grab my stuff and raid Jason's fridge.

Another day, another body.

"It's good to be back."