Princess of SAMCRO

No Sleep

I ended up spending five days in the hospital before they cleared me to go. The bleeding in my brain had stopped and corrected itself, and there was nothing to do about my ribs except rest and pain meds. I was relieved to go home and be comfortable in my own bed. I had not been alone with Jax since that first night in the hospital. When I woke up in the morning he had left, and each time he came to see me after that he was either with another brother or Gemma was there. We both acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. I think we both felt like since we didn't even know what the fuck we were doing, we should probably keep it from the family for now. If this...whatever...were to go any further, I am sure that people would have opinions about it.

I had missed a week of school and it was already the following Friday. One week ago today was when Jax and I got kidnapped. The first night in the hospital went smoothly, but the following nights were hell. Each night I woke up at some point in the night from awful and realistic nightmares. Nightmares of men in masks and darkness, so much darkness. Nightmares of the pain, in both my head and chest. I would wake up covered in sweat and would not be able to fall back asleep for hours. What I am going to do about this, I have no fucking clue. I was hoping that when in the comfort of my own bed they would stop. They didn't. The first night back at home was just as bad as the others. I have to do something about this. Maybe one of the guys have some sleeping pills or something.

I waited hours for the sun to come up, for an appropriate hour to get out of bed. I was sick of laying in a bed. My chest was still sore, but it was tolerable, and I needed to get out of the damn house. Finally, it seemed like a good hour to be awake, to pretend to be okay. I took a much-needed shower and got dressed before heading into the kitchen. I found Gemma at the stove, busily cooking what looked like pancakes. Clay and Jax were both sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee.

"Morning sweetheart. How did you sleep?" Gemma asked without looking up from her cooking.

"Good Morning. I slept fine" I lied. I am a horrible liar and when I do so it is written all over my face. I need to work on that skill.

I saw Jax raise an eyebrow at me. He saw my face and knew me too well to think I was telling the truth. I broke his gaze and helped myself to a cup of coffee. "What is everyone doing today?" I asked.

"You will be resting" Gemma said as she looked up at me this time. She raised her eyebrow at me in a way that reinforced who was in charge. Jeesh, these two and their looks this morning. Like mother like son I guess.

"Gem I need to get out of the house, even just for a little bit. I'm going stir crazy"

"Doc said that you still need to rest" She protested.

"A little sun would do her some good Mom", Jax chimed in with a grin. I was thankful for the backing because if Gemma was going to listen to anyone it would be him. "I can take you out for a bit Brooke" he continued with a wink that only I was able to see. Damn you, you sexy bastard. He knew that whatever was going on between us left me eating out of the palm of his hand.

Clay finally looked up from the paper he was reading and said "Jax, you could go up to the cabin for the day, check on some shit while you're up there." He said this as more of a command than a suggestion and went back to reading his paper. Jax nodded.

"Fine Brooke. You can go to get out of the house, but Jax you'll have to take the car. She can't ride. And Brooke, I expect you to take it easy and rest while you're up there"

"Yes, Queen" I replied in a teasing tone. Gemma looked up from her pancakes and rolled her eyes at me, making me chuckle. This felt good. A normal morning after an anything but normal week. It felt good to be simple if even just for a moment.

After breakfast we headed out, Jax driving and me in the passenger's seat with my window fully rolled down. The morning was just beginning to warm up and the rays of sun felt like a welcomed blessing on my skin. The wind on my face made me feel more awake and alert than I had since before the hospital. I couldn't help but grin as I watched the scenery pass by.

"So why'd you lie about sleeping well?" Jax asked, causing my happy moment to abruptly crash and burn.

"I don't know what your talking about" I replied, avoiding looking at him like the plague.

"Oh come on Darlin. I know you too well and you can't lie for shit" He said with a grin. "Just tell me".

I rolled my eyes. This is not what I wanted to talk about on my first day of feeling free again. "Fine. I have been having nightmares since the night after you stayed with me in the hospital". I said this, still keeping my eyes on he scenery passing by. It wasn't that big of a deal, I'm sure I'd get over it soon.

"You wanna talk about them?"

"Nope" I replied without saying anything else. Jax accepted my answer and we were both quiet for the rest of the drive. Jax turned up the music and rolled down his window as well. He knew this was exactly what I needed in this moment.

We got to the cabin. The air was crisp, and the only sounds today were the wind and some birds chirping. I hadn't noticed until the drive here how confined I had been feeling. The past week felt like and extension of being held in that basement. First the basement, then the hospital bed, and then right home with nothing but being tied down and being on bed rest. The drive up here reminded me what freedom felt like and I was planning to take full advantage of this day at the cabin.

"I gotta go inside and check on a few things. You comin in?" Jax asked as he got out of the car.

"No I think I'll stay out here". Jax nodded as he went inside. I stood on the porch in the corner where the sun was already hitting. I didn't want to sit down, it felt good to be standing, it felt strong. The sun was warm but there was a cool breeze that was hitting my bare arms. The perfect combination. I heard Jax moving something around inside and wondered what he needed to check in on. The club uses the cabin to hide things they don't want found, so I am figuring that this has something to do with whatever deal was made with the Mayans. Whatever, I have learned not to care too much about Club business, I decided to block everything out except the feeling of the sun and the breeze. Block out whatever Jax was shuffling around with inside. Block out the memories of the past week and the nightmares. Block out my constant wondering about what Jax and I were doing and wondering about when I might be kissing him again. Nothing mattered in this morning except the warm sun and the cool breeze.