Princess of SAMCRO

Into the Future

Jax and I stayed together for two years and it was a truly happy time in my life. He was fiercely protective, and I supported him with everything I had. We fell into a level of comfort in our relationship quickly, and when Jax decided to buy a house, I moved in with him. If I wasn't seen as the princess of SAMCRO before, I certainly was after our relationship was known throughout the charters. The morning after Jax had outed our relationship I had sat down across the table with Gemma for breakfast.

"Oh, don't look at me like that Brooklyn, I already knew"

I stopped mid chew and l stared across the table. "Huh?" is all I managed to squeak out. It wasn't like Gemma to sit on a secret when it came to me.

She dropped her reading glasses and continued, "I know you. I know my son. The way Jackson looked at you in that hospital, I saw the change in it as soon as I saw the two of you. And then there was the time that I saw you two all snuggled up in your bed..." She trailed off and smirked.

"You did see us that night!" I exclaimed out loud remember how weird Gemma had acted when she talked about it a few days later. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Knew you'd tell me on your own time. Fun watching you try to be sneaky. You're an awful liar Brooklyn" And with that she went back to her newspaper. I roll my eyes at that last bit because I thought that I did a fairly good job lying, thank you. But smile that Jax and I gained Gemma's approval because hers is the only opinion I really care about in the matter.

I smile now at the memory. At so many of our memories over the years we were together, both good and bad. When you date a member of SAMCRO there are certain expectations and rules that you are meant to follow. I never got Jax's crow tattooed on my body and the reason is because I could never be his Old Lady. I also think back to when I decided to end things with him, one of the more harder things  I have ever had to do.

"I love you Jax, but I feel like we both know that I can't be your Old Lady, can't marry you, if I can't be everything you need me to be".

"You are everything that I need Brooke" he said looking down. I hated seeing him hurting.

"I'm not Jax. I will never be okay with you not telling me everything. I hate the fact that when you leave the house for Club business, I never know what you are doing or if I should be worried that you may not be coming home. I will never be okay with following the "what happens on a run, stays on a run" rule. And I know that you would change those things for me, but the main reason I can't do this anymore is because I am not her".

I felt tears filling my eyes. Throughout the two years we spent together, Tara was always in the back of my mind because I knew that Jax still loved her. He never said as much, but if she got brought up in conversation or something reminded him of her, it was written all over his face. I remember Jax and Tara together, it was before my parents passed away and we would have dinners together. I remember the way Jax looked at her (because I remember being envious of her) and he had never looked at me quite like that. I would always be second best to her, and I was okay with that for a long time. Until the point where he wanted me to get his Crow and give me a ring, I was okay with being second best.

He looked up at me surprised, "Brooke..." He trailed thinking of what to say next, "...I love you"

"I know you do, and I love you. But you love her more, and that is okay Jax. I honestly hope that she comes back to you some day. But I can't make that kind of commitment to you, It's not fair to either of us. He did not respond because he knew I was right. "Look, I still want to be here for you, and support you. I still want to be your best friend and I hope that you still want that too"