let me down slowly // steNe | willne x stephen tries

- 73 -

big thank you to stephentries for editing this, please check their stories out if you haven't already. they are really talented and they deserve the world. without them, this chapter would be a complete mess

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it was past 11.

music could be heard playing softly in the background and stephen was sitting on will's lap, playing with his hair. will's hand was rubbing circles to stephen's back and the younger boy could practically feel the heavy atmosphere.

"we need to talk," stephen said, clearing his throat. "about us. about where we are standing."

will sighed but didn't protest. "okay, i'm listening."

"i don't think i can keep this up. it's killing me." will could hear that stephen's voice was already breaking.

"what can i do about it?" stephen had never heard will sound so defeated.

"i love you." stephen whispered it so low he wasn't sure if will heard him.

will removed his hand from stephen's back and lowered his eyes. "you shouldn't."

"i know," stephen simply answered and took will's hand in his. "i know." he repeated. "why can't you love me back?"

will shook his head and furrowed his eyebrows, ignoring stephen's question. "it's not fair to you. all of this. you deserve so much better."

"i know" stephen repeated yet again. "but i don't want this to end...i don't want us to end."

will slowly inhaled and finally looked stephen in the eye. "didn't you just say you can't keep this up?"

it was stephen's turn to lower his eyes. "yes," he almost stuttered, "but that doesn't mean we have to stop."

"you're hurting," will simply stated and then slowly lifted his hand to cup stephen's face "you're hurting and it's my fault."

stephen leaned into will's touch "not your fault, honey. please don't say that."

"well it's definitely not yours."

will softly kissed his forehead. a minute passed without anyone saying anything and then stephen broke the silence once again.

"what do you want will? 'cause you know what i want."

"i'm not sure," the taller boy replied

"will you ever be?" stephen asked, and this time, it seemed as if there was a hint of anger in his voice.

"i don't know."

"of course you don't." stephen sighed and got off of will's lap.

"it's not like you know what you want," will argued.

stephen felt almost nauseous. "i just--i just want you, will."

"i don't want to date you stephen," will sighed. "i'm only going to hurt you"

"so what? we just keep occasionally hooking up?"

will shook his head. "i genuinely don't know."

stephen almost smiled. "you're so clueless"

"i care about you stephen, a lot," he tried to reassure him.

stephen shook his head and looked off to the side. "i'm sorry, but that's not enough for me. i want more. actually, no, i need more."

stephen saw will's face fall.

"i'm afraid i can't give you that," will admitted.

"that's it then? we're done?"

"please, don't say it like that."

stephen pushed himself to seem as emotionless as possible "do you understand we can't possibly stay friends? after all of this? we're completely done, will."

and in that moment, will's face fell even more, something that stephen didn't think was even possible. and he felt a little guilty, really, but he couldn't do anything about it.

he was tired of hurting himself for will's sake.

"wait, what? stephen, no, you can't possibly--"

stephen immediately interrupted him. "i wouldn't be able to handle it, will. you have no idea how i feel about you. seeing you everyday and not touching you would kill me."

the older boy nodded, looking once again defeated and stephen felt his vision blur.

"i need to go." stephen announced, managing to make himself sound normal.

he stood up and felt will's hand touching his.

stephen took a deep breath and looked will in the eye, suddenly feeling irritated. "i don't see the point will. we're done."

will bit his lip "i guess this is goodbye, then."

a faint smile appeared on stephen's face. "don't be daft, will, we'll still see each other at school everyday. you're a drama queen."

will laughed, but it sounded forced. "i guess i'll see you around."

stephen nodded and left will's house without once looking back.

will thought that was a little too harsh. they were friends for so many years and stephen didn't even flinch while they broke off their friendship and their...thing.

what will didn't know was that as soon as stephen got home, he locked himself into his bedroom and cried himself to sleep, though not before he read some of their old messages.

stephen hoped, somewhere deep down, that will would stop him as he left his house. he hoped that he would run after him and he would yell "stephen wait!" and then he would passionately kiss him and profess his undying love for him.

this was all a fantasy, really. obviously, will would never run after him, and he would never actually say that he loved him back.

all because they weren't in a rom-com. stephen wasn't the quirky protagonist and will wasn't the misunderstood fuckboy that would run after him and confess his feelings.

he was will lenney and will lenney never ran after anyone, not even his best friend. he never pleaded and he never sincerely apologized and he never showed his feelings.

what stephen didn't know was that will smoked 7 cigarettes that night and drank a bottle of vodka so he would forget about him, but that never worked. instead, he was throwing up and thinking that no one could ever be a better person than stephen.

and yet will let him go.

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so uhh this is.. an actual chapter

at least i tried i guess??

im open to constructive criticism and dont be afraid to be harsh with me, i can take it. i genuinely want to improve my writing