To Love and Lost {Ziam Paylik}

Chapter Twenty-Two

*Zayn's POV*

I woke up first so I slip out of bed, trying not to wake Liam up. I walk out on the balconey the hotel has and I smile. I can see the crisp blue water and bright blue sky. I smile and take in all of the surroundings. I'm in such a beautiful place that I have always wanted to go to with the most beautiful person. I still can't believe how much Liam loves and cares for me. Its unexplainable. He's taking me in under his wing and hasn't let me go. Everytime I'm with him, I get butterflies and I'm not sure I really like the feeling. People say your to feel happy when you have this feeling, but ever since Ryan, it still scares.

I know Liam wouldn't do what Ryan did to me, but I can't risk it. I need to try my hardest to make him happy so it doesn't happen. People can change in a lick of spilt if they aren't happy. Ryan has taught me that and I still believe it everyday. I didn't do my best to make him happy, so he turned on me. Now I have to do my best to do what ever it takes for Liam.

I turn on my phone ant go straight to twitter. Its been awhile since I been on, so its time to see what's going on. I smile and favorite some of my fans tweets, even the new fans. But something catches my eye right away. Some twitted "He's so ugly and doesn't deserve Liam xD #KillMalikForGood" I almost dropped my phone but I go the search bar and type in the hashtag. So many hate tweets and pictures of me popped up. I read and read them, but the more I read, the worse they get.

Why does everyone hate me so much? I just want to live life like everyone else does. But why do I get all the hate? I haven't done anything to deserve any of this. I already know I'm ugly and really don't deserve Liam, I know I'm a fat ass and need to lose some weight, but I can't help it. I try everyday to change myself, but nothing I do makes anyone happy. Why am I even still here? I should have just died when I got a chance.

NO! I can't let these things bring me down like this. I need to stay strong for Liam, I promised him I would. But its getting kinda hard. But I can do it, can't I? Yes I can.

I get up and grab my camera, seeing that Liam is still asleep, and head back out to the balconey. I sit down and set up the camera to the right angle. I turn it on and sigh. Let's do this.

"Hey guys.  So I just want to make some things clear for ya. So no I'm not going to be singing in this video, its more of a sit down and let's chat jind of thing. Its currently 6 in the morning in Sidney and I really dot know what I'm up. But I went on twitter and I seen something that I need to address. And yes it has to do with hate. I normally don't address it or have anything to do with it, but you know I do read it. And this one thing that is spread on the internet is the on I hate the most. Its '#KillMalikForGood' and I just want o say something.

"I have almost tried to kill myself before so I know what its like. To be honest I have tired plenty of times. And to also be honest, I know that I'm not good enough for Liam, okay? I get it. I didny choose for any of this, he chose me. And I thank God everyday for that because without him, I would really be dead. I could have killed myself for real this time. But he was there for me and guess what? I'm going to always be here with him no matter if you like me or not. I'm also going to be here, because I'm not going back I to my old stage again. I promised Liam that I would stay alive for him but not only for him.

"I've seen so many people that I love get hurt because of what I did to myself. So I also made this promise to myself. I hate hurting peope and as soon as I seen that I hurt someone, I hated myself for it. I still hate myself to this day because of it. And I'm trying so hard to love myself so this doesn't happen again for me or anyone else. But after seeing all this hate, its getting hard. But I won't let any of those haters bring me down anymore. I've learned to be stronger than that. Than any of those people. Because all they want is to see me fail, but its not happening. I'm done with it. Because I need to be happy to make the others happy. Especially Liam.

"He's the man reason that I'm alove right now and if I'm not happy, neither is he. And that's all I want from him, is to be happy. So for him to be happy, thasts what I need to be. And none of this hate shit is making it any better. But, I'm going to be the better person and not listen to any of it. Liam loves me and you haters will just have to get over it. Or fuck off! Cause we're not going anywhere but up in our love. So suck it! And to all of my beautiful fans I love you guys so much and thanks for all your love and support. And to my beautiful boyfriend, Liam. I'm doing this for you, but for the better of me. I love you. And I'll see all you beautiful people soon."

I end the video and wipe the tears that fell when I was filming. I smule and I feel my stomach flip and flop in different directions. I feel better, the best I ever had felt in awhile. I'm finally taking the bigger step and making a move on with my life. Maybe now people will see that I'm done with all their bullshit. Maybe now I can live life as a human on this planet.

"Zayn? Are you okay?" I look up and see Liam standing by the doors of the balconey. I smile and stand up, brushing off my pants. I walk over to him and kiss his lips.

"Better that I ever have before."

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OMG IM SO SORRY! Its been 7 days sinve I updated. I'm slacking I know, but its just school is so hard and I'm trying to focus. I'm trying my best to do both at the same time, its just hard. But I hoped you enjoyed this chapter and please don't forget to vote and leave me a comment! I promise to do better and post like I said.

Random Question: What's your hardest subject? (Like what one is the worse to focus and learn in)

Loge, MaliksGirl90 xxxx