To Love and Lost {Ziam Paylik}

Chapter Eight

*Zayn's POV*

I wake up in the morning and I try to move, but something is holding me down. I look over and see Liam sleeping next to me. He looks so perfect when he is sleeping. I wiggle out of his grib and make my way downstairs. I see that Ruth has left us a note.

For whoever is up reading this,
I have got plans today and won't be home until tomorrow morning. Don't break anything and be safe.And for Zayn, your sister dropped of your guitar. Its in the closet by the door. -Ruth.

I smile and walk over to the closet to get my guitar. I sit on the couch, fixing the strings and getting it to the right tune. Then I think about the song I wrote awhile back. I start to strum the notes and sing what I can remmeber from it, which is the whole song. *Shadow by Auustin M*

You walk into the room
So perfect but unaware
Making me stop and stare
Every time I heard she broke your heart
Can I just fix you boy?
Show you a different world?

I'll take you anywhere
I'll put you on a throne
I'll lay down my heart, I swear
And I'll make sure that you'll never be alone

Only my shadow knows
How I feel about you
Only my shadow goes
Where I dream of you and me
Should I go or wait?
Is it too soon, too late?
Only my shadow knows

I've been loving you so long
And now that I got the chance
I see you need to dance on your own
So I'll wait another day
Maybe another year
I'm gonna be right here, oh

I'll take you anywhere
I'll put you on a throne
I'll lay down my heart, I swear
And I'll make sure that you'll never be alone, alone

Only my shadow knows
How I feel about you
Only my shadow goes
Where I dream of you and me
Should I go or wait?
Is it too soon, too late?
Cause only my shadow knows

I wish I could say all these words
All these things that your heart never heard, yeah
But I saw the pain in your eyes and it sealed my lips

Only my shadow knows
How I feel about you
Only my shadow goes
Where I dream of you and me
Should I go or wait?
Is it too soon, too late?
Only my shadow knows, ey
Only my shadow knows, oh oh, no oh, no oh

Only my shadow knows

I finish the song and wipe my tears. I was never a strong person when I wrote this song. It was about Ryan but also about me. I just didn't put it in the way about me. I didn't want to make it seem like I was selfish. I sing my favorite part again, because it was what Ryan sung to me before he asked me out.

"I wish I could say all these words. All these thinhgs that your heart never heard, yeah. But I saw the pain in your eyes and it sealed my lips."

I sigh and cried into my hands. I know I shouldn't be crying over him, but it hurts. I miss him so much, and it hurts knowing he was the one who made me this way. He was the only person who clearly understood me, until Liam came into my life. I still cried but I smiled. Liam is making me a better person, he's glueing all of the broken pieces back together. He was actually there for me.

I sung a different lyrics from my song, but in the same tune. "Cause now I am broken, you don't know how I feel. Cause now I am broken, can't ever be fixed. Should I wait or should I go? Because I'm wasting my time. Now I am broken, yeah now I am broken." I cry harder and hold myself. I need to cut, I need to feel pain.

I get up and write Liam a quick note, saying I was going to visit my mom. I grab my hoodie and walk down the street to get to my house. I see a boy walking the up the street where I was walking, not paying attention. But then we ran into each other. "OMG I'm sorry! I should have loo- Zayn?" I look up and see the person who had broken me. "Ryan?"

"OMG it is you! I thought I would never see you again. How have you been?" I thought he moved away. And now he's back, this isn't going to make my life any easier. I wish I would have walked on the other side of the street. I can't face him right now.

"Well thanks to you, my life is a living hell. How could you do that to me? I thought you actually cared about me, but then you threw me under a bus. I thought we had sometyhing real Ryan. But I guess I was wrong about you. Why did you even come back?! Do yuiou want me to break again!? BECAUSE I AM AND NO ONE IS HELPING!"

He looks at me and frowns. "I never meant to hurt you, Zayn. I was just protecting myself because I didn't want to be called a fag. I did actually care about you, I was just a prick back then. But I changed now, Zee. I really did." I laugh and walk past him, while he follows me.

"You changed? Ha! I don't believe a word you say anymore. I'm trying to fix myself and your making it hard!" I run down the street, Ryan no longer following me. I knock on the door and open it. Doniya was sitting on the couch and I nodded her upstairs. She followed me and once we made it in my room, I broke again. Doniya was the only one who knew about Ryan, well and now Liam.

"He's back, Doniya. He came back to ruin my life again." She nodded her head and held me. I cried into her chest. I'm breaking more and I can't stop the pain. I need to cut.

I pull away and walk into my bathroom. I read all those words again and scream. I break the mirror and look at myself. Pieces missing, just like my life. Doniya was calling me through the door, telling me not to do it. I pull my shirt off and pull out my razors. 1, 2, 3 deep markings in my skin. I cry and let the blood pour out. I cut 3 more on my other arm and 4 more on each arm. They were really deep. I felt weak and worthless. I seen black dots and then I seen Doniya and my father before everything went black.

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Oh no! Poor Zayn! I hope he turns out okay. But we will have to see whasdt happens. Thanks for the read and I hoped you enjoyed another chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment for me lovlys! (:

Random Question: What do you think about self harm?

Love, MaliksGirl90 xxxx