To Love and Lost {Ziam Paylik}

Chapter Sixteen

*Zayn's POV*

"Laim! I'm tired! Take me to the bed fool!" He laughs and shakes his head. We just got back from Liams 'Meet Up' where he sat and took pictures and signed things. I took a few pictures with people and had small chats. It was an amazing feeling. I never felt anything like that before and it was simply amazing.

"Don't you have something to do?" He pulls out a camera and I literally scream! I take it and get out my laptop that Liam has also got me. I don't like his spending a lot of money on me, but he said he didn't mind. I log on to my YouTube channel and I have literally over 20,000 messgaes and notifactions. I looked through some of them and turned on the camera to start my video.

"Hey there. So I know its been awhile since I been on, but I just want to make sure you guys are okay. How's your life, what's been up? Um ha, so I took time off because these past five years have been hard for me. I was dignosed with depression and social anxiety through out the years. I had broken up with Ryan, so him and some of him mates started to bully me. It got bad to where I was taking pill to put me to sleep for hours. I started having suicide thoughts and trying to attempt it. I had self harmed myself and I was just not happy. But I'm here to let you guys know I'm doing a lot better today. I just got out of the hospital for suicide attempt awhile ago but that's all. But listen to me and know that suicide is never an answer. No matter how hurt and crushed you are right now, never trust or go with suicide. I almost died because of it and I now realize how loved I am. I wish I would have sooner but today is the best day to realize it. If you end it all today, what's it going to be like tomorrow? You will never know, maybe tomorrow is the day everything gets better. So please here me out when I say this. Its never, ever the answer."

"But I'm here to start my channel up again! That's on a positive. So I'm going to sing a song that I just have wrote awhile ago. Yes, its a depressing song and yes you will shed a few tears but just hear it out. Its called 'Steven' and its about a boy that's been bullied his whole life. He's been in the dark and just can't find his way out. That kid is me. I just called it Steven because it seemed like a good name at the time. So I hope you enjoy it and please give it a big thumbs up for me."

"Yeah, look
Let me tell you about a kid named Steven
He's slowly running out of things to believe in
Every couple of months his mom leaves him,
for no good reason his step-dad beats him
Not too many friends, only ever had a few of them,
but recently they don't want anything to do with him
Always eating lunch in the bathroom stall,
he just wants to feel normal and be cool again, yeah
Always feeling like the outcast, he's been going crazy ever since his dad passed
He needs guidance and advice but instead
he only has breakdowns and flashbacks of the car crash uh
It's been getting harder everyday, if he was still around everything would be OK
'Cause his dad was always the light at the end of the tunnel,
but now that same damn tunnel is looking dark and grey
He keeps quiet in the back of the class
and when the bell rings Steven hurries home fast
scared to death the other kids will kick his ass on the long walk home
'Cause its happened in the past so
He's getting used to the black eyes and fat lips
but all he's got is a fake smile and cut wrists
Wishin' he could walk right up to them and show them the scars
and say look you're the reason that I've done this
Maybe they would finally understand and go back to how it was before it all began
But he's just a little different so they taunt him and they beat him
Yeah it's all just fun and games, they don't give a damn, yeah
His older brother ain't around, in and out of jail, hanging with the wrong crowd
He's been doing coke, smoking weed, getting drunk all his life he's a shame
no, he's not too proud
Now his habits are rubbing off on his little bro yeah, but guess what?
Little did he know that every time he did a line,
every time he lit a joint,
every time he took a shot he would set the mode,
So Steven's sitting in his room getting high now
Doors locked, music up, with his lights out
He just takes another toke til his room fills with smoke
5-6-7 hours til he knocks out
Now he started stealing pills from his mom
8-9-10 at a time and now they're gone
and maybe for a moment all his problems seem to fade,
but the high fades too after not too long
and that's when it really sinks in and that's when it hits him
that these god damn drugs won't fix him
Curled up on the floor, can't take it anymore
Now he's talking to God 'cause he's the only one that gets him
On his knees, looking up, can't stop crying
"God I know we haven't talked in a long time
but this time I really need you. Please God help me, say something
just give me a sign, because now I'm falling apart and
I don't think that I can do it. Please God, give me the strength
to pull through it. Tell me, Should I give up? I could end it all right now.
I just don't know if I'm brave enough to do it.
'Cause there's gotta be a better way than suicide.
Try to wait it out, give it time, you'll be fine.
But it's been so long and I still haven't been able to get rid
of all the thoughts that I feel inside. So sick, so angry, so mad
and to top it off no one even knows that"
That's when he stood up, wiped his tears, walked over to his desk
and got a pen and a notepad
He just couldn't see it getting any better
So on a cold dark night in December, Steven knew exactly what he had to do
But first he sat down and wrote a couple letters
One to his step-dad, one to his mother,
couple to the kids at school, one to his brother
Bringing them the pain that they once brought him
tear drops on the paper one after another
Yeah, I hope that you all feel guilty.
'Cause I'm broken now and you can't heal me
And now you're all an accomplice in murder
each and every one of you has chipped in to kill me
So the reason that I'm writing you this evening,
is to say goodbye and to tell you that I'm leaving
But don't hold your breath 'cause I ain't never coming back
Sincerely yours, Steven"

I wipe my tears and put my guitar down. "Please listen to me, don't ever do it. I love you all so much and I care for each and everyone of you. Please don't end your beautiful life today. Its not worth it. If you ever need to talk or need help, I'm here. Message me on Twitter or Kik or even on my Facebook page. I'm here to help because I been through it all and I can understand what you are going through. I love you and just know that you are truly beautiful and Loved." I end the video and turn the camera off. I upload it and close my computer when I see its there. Liam sits next to me and hugs me lightly.

"That was amazing baby. Want to head to bed now?" I nod and he carried me. "You are beautiful and truly loved, Zayn. Don't ever forget it." I close my eyes and fall into a deep and peaceful sleep.

*Liam's POV*

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. Zayn tosses and pinches his eyes shut. "Make it stop." I get up and answer my phone. Why is Niall calling me at 7:30 in the morning? This better be important.

"What ya want Niall?" He laughs.

"I just wanted to tell you to tell Zayn his video was amazing. And now I can see your not a morning person."

"Not when you get to bed at 1 in the morning. So no I'm not a morning person." I hear him chuckle. How is he wide awake right now?

"Well you are going to open up me and the boys' show tonight right? We are preforming where you did last night and we would love it for you and Zayn to be our opening acts. The one we have is still out sick."

I sigh and rub my face. I need to shave. "Yeah, yeah. We'll do it. What time?"

"Zayn starts at 5 and you at 5:30 and we will be on at 6. Then we will have this big dance party thing at 7. Sounds okay?" I shake my head.

"Yeah that's fine. See ya later." I hang up and go to make me and Zayn some breakfast. 2 nights in a row? I guess this is what I get for becoming a big pop star. But I love doing it so I should be fine. I did 5 shows in a row without any sleep so I should get it over with.

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Yay Zayn got his channel back! But his speech killed me! So I hoped you enjoyed this chapter and don't forget to comment and vote for me Loves! Thank you! (: ♥

Random Question: What concerts have you ever been to?

Love, MaliksGirl90 xxxx