A Series Of Events: The Carters

What If?

This should've been the happiest time in her life. She felt more anxious than she did happy. It had been a few weeks since she told her husband and family that she was pregnant. They had been to a few doctor's visit got sonogram pictures and even heard the heartbeat a few times. Anytime anyone brought up the baby she tried to force herself to look happy. She may have been fooling everyone else but she wasn't fooling Jay. He noticed her standoffishness. She barely talked about buying things for the baby, as of now she was more interested in hiding the fact she was pregnant from the public.
"You can't see anything sticking out from my shirt right?" This has become a question he's used to being asked.
He examined her shirt "Nope can't even tell."
"Okay, thanks" she kissed his cheek.
"When you come back wanna go online and look at some stuff for the baby's room?" He asked.
She bit her lip nervously if she was being honest the answer to that question was no but she couldn't tell him that.
"Uh, I might be in late" she lied really this meeting she was headed to was a quick one.
"Of course" he said in a disappointed tone.
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing Bey, I don't wanna argue."
"No go ahead, speak your mind Jay."
"I'm trying to be patient with you but it's been weeks Bey I can tell you're not happy."
She sighed, this man knows her so well.
"It's just a lot of pressure hiding it from the public I feel like I can't truly be free until that weight is off my shoulders" she was only partially telling the truth but she knew he would believe her.
"Okay I can understand that" he leveled with her. Maybe after they announced her pregnancy on the VMAs it would help her in her process of letting her inhibitions go.

________

Even though she wasn't expecting it to announcing her pregnancy to the public did set her free, more than she thought it would. They even went on vacation shortly after that and she got to flaunt her small baby bump around in a two piece. The real breakthrough came around two weeks later. It was a normal night laying in bed. She was doing her best to wait up for Jay before she went to sleep. She had texted him and he let her know he was on his way home. She watched an episode of Jersey Shore to keep her eyes opened, plus she loved Snooki.

Her eyes popped open when she felt a very tiny foot kicking inside of her. That was the first time she felt the baby kick. She immediately opened her laptop to document this special moment. When she was finished relaying her feelings to the webcam she closed her laptop. She held her belly unable to wipe the smile off her face.
"Wow!" She said to herself. This would be the first time she felt connected to her daughter. In her prior pregnancy she got to hear the heartbeat but unfortunately it never got to the point where she was able to feel her baby move.
"Hi baby I'm your mommy!" She said rubbing her belly. At that point she decided to stop living every moment of this pregnancy in fear. Maybe it was meant to be this time and they were getting their rainbow baby.
Jay came home about a half hour later to his wife sleeping with a smile on her face.
He kissed her cheek. She slowly opened her eyes.
"Guess what?" She asked softly.
"What?"
"She kicked!" She smiled.
"No?! And I missed it?!"
"It was so..." she sighed unable to find the words to explain it.
"I'm not leaving the house again until I feel my daughter kick, but it's good to see you genuinely happy" he pointed out.
"You were right all those weeks ago when you said I wasn't happy but I promise I'm going to stop living in fear this is a blessing."
He gave her a peck on the lips "I'm happy to hear that and I'm sleeping with my hand on your stomach tonight, she better kick me."

I wanna cry every time I realize that Blue is their "rainbow baby" and her name is a color 😢 I see what they did there!

Last time the miscarriage was so tragic
We thought you'd disappear
But nah baby you magic -Jay Z "Glory"