Okay, Maybe I'm A Bit Gay

F O U R T E E N

~ Chapter 14 ~

"TIMES UP!" Camila hollered.

I immediately stepped back and looked at the shock faces from the circle. I then looked at Camila, who spoke.

"How did it go?" She asked as she handed me my phone.

Without saying a word, I briefly looked at Kabelo and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind me. I pushed everyone out of my way, knocking drinks over and pizza out of people's hands. Lots of eyes were watching me but I didn't have time to acknowledge them all. I was just trying to get out of that damn house. The smell, the lights, the people, the music, everything was giving me a headache and I wanted to escape it all. I was over it all.

When I finally made my way outside, I fell down to the steps and just sat there as I started to run my fingers through my hair. I growled as I slammed my hands down to the side. I regretted it immediately afterward because my hands started hurting. I then looked at my palms to make sure they were okay but looking at my palms only made me think about when Kabelo was holding my hand.

"Fuck!" I shouted.

Suddenly, I felt a slight touch on my shoulder and I quickly stood up and turned around. "What do you want? What is your problem?"

"W-What are you talking about?"

"Wh-What am I talking about?" I let out an angry chuckle as I paced around on the front lawn. "I don't know, Kabelo!" I stopped and looked at him. "Oh, wait! You tried to kiss me!"

"I thought that was what you wanted?"

"And why would you think that?"

"The text messages and what you have been saying to me today! You were making it seem like you wanted to be with me!"

"Wow! Wow! Fucking wow!" I was pacing around again. I then walked up to him. "Look, I'm straight! I don't know what gave you the impression that I wasn't but I'm not gay, not even in the slightest of bits!"

"Then why did you want to get to know me?"

"For a friend! An actual friend. Her name is Ashley! You think I made that up to get closer to you or something?"

He just stood there and I could tell he wanted to cry. He was staring down at the ground with his fists balled up; he was trembling.

"Look, you're a cool dude and I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression but-"

"Just go." His voice cracked. He then looked up at me and I saw the tears that streamed down his face.

I felt bad. I felt my heart shatter in my chest and I took a step closer to hug him. I felt the sudden need to wrap him in my arms to see him smile once more but then I realized that I would have probably given him the wrong impression so I turned away and walked to my car.

~x~

The house was quiet, too quiet for my liking. I walked up the stairs and realized that Mai's room door was opened but she wasn't in there. I then stopped by Dawson's door and took a peek inside. Mai was sleeping next to him while he sat at the edge of his bed, just staring down at the floor. I pushed the door open a bit and it creaked which caught his attention.

"Hey," I said.

He smiled. "Hey."

I stepped into his room and then took a seat next to him. I sat there for a while and just looked around his room and that's when I noticed the clothes that he wore that day were in the trash. The shirt was cut up and so were the pants. I then looked at his hands that looked sore and bare; there was no more paint. I placed my hand on his back and just rubbed it in circles. I then pulled him into a side hug because I knew he needed it. I also needed it.

"So how was the party?" He asked and that's when I removed my arm.

"Well, it was okay. Something happened though." I took a deep breath and then continued. "So this guy I met whose name is Kabelo was supposed to be Ashley's next blind date. I thought that he was going to be perfect for Ashley and today seemed to confirm it. He's very nice and sweet. He's also smart from what I know and he's a good person to have by your side. Bro, jumped in the middle of a fight that I was going to have and basically saved me from having to bruise up my fists. He had a very contagious smile and I couldn't help but feel warm around him. He had a really good vibe."

"I bet he was cute too, huh?"

"I wouldn't say cute but he was attractive. If I were a girl, I'd think so at least."

"What do you mean if you were a girl? You're a guy and you basically just admitted that he's attractive."

I sighed. "Whatever. Anyways, what I thought was going to be a successful night ended up blowing up in my face." I sighed. "To put a long story short he tried to kiss me."

There was silence. I knew Dawson was probably looking at me with his wide eyes along with his mouth completely agape. I didn't want to look but I did which made me chuckle a bit. He then just gave me a frown.

"So you're not going to talk to him again, are you?"

I turned away and shrugged. "I don't think so. I'm just-"

"Not gay, I got it. Well, he sounds cool and I think he could be a good friend of yours. I don't think you should not be his friend over something this small."

I snorted and looked at Dawson using my peripheral vision. "You're just saying that so you can date your brother's friend."

Dawson laughed. "Oh no. I wouldn't do that! I promise!"

"Yeah, well he's 23, I think. Either way, he's too old for you."

"I'm turning 18 very soon so-"

I gently pushed him. "You're so dumb."

He just continued to laugh and soon I joined in. The laughter died down quickly and that's when I looked back at snoring Mai. "So she decided to crash in your room, huh?" I turned to Dawson who looked completely defeated.

When he turned to Mai, I saw the happiness on his face again; it was faint but you could see it in his eyes and in the corner of his mouth. "She was supposed to stay awake until I fell asleep. She wanted to make sure that I wouldn't try anything crazy."

I took her calf and gave it a small shake. "Such a good sister."

"She is." I looked at him and smiled. "And you're a good brother. I love you both."

"I love you too," I said as I pulled him into a tight hug.

After the hugging stopped, I took my stand and stretched. "Goodnight, Dawson."

"Night."

"And if you ever need to talk to me, I'm just across the hall. I don't care if I'm sleeping or doing homework, if you need to talk I'll drop it all."

"You probably would scream at me and throw your pillow at me if I tried to wake you up from your sleep." We both chuckled. "But thanks." I smiled and turned away, making my way to the door. "And same goes for you too." I stopped. "If you ever need to talk to me, I'm here. Always."

"Thanks."

I made way out and closed the door behind me but I didn't move after that. I just stood there for a moment and stared at my room across the hall. There was this heavy feeling on my chest. I turned back to the door and placed my hand on the knob. I didn't tell Dawson everything that I should've told him. I began to twist it but I decided that it was better for me not to speak about it.

I was going to get over it in a week or two anyways. It was not a big deal. That night, at that party, in the closet, with Kabelo, was not a big deal. It didn't matter because I was not gay.

I didn't feel anything.