Okay, Maybe I'm A Bit Gay

T H I R T Y

~ Chapter 30 | July 5th - 11th ~

I KISSED KABELO! Why did I fucking do that? Why would I kiss him? I thought. After the kiss, neither of us said a thing. Instead, we went back to his place and everything was awkward.

I wanted to go home. I didn't want to stay there with him any longer. The next day, we packed our things, went out to eat with his parents and then said our goodbyes before we were back home. He offered to take me home from the airport but I politely declined before I called my cab.

When I got in the car, I tried my best not to look out at him but I did and he waved but I pretended not to see.

I felt bad.

When I got home, I was attacked with so many questions.

"How was the trip?" My mother asked.

"Were his parents nice to you?' My father asked.

I ignored them and quickly tried to make my way upstairs to my room but I was attacked with questions by Mai and Dawson.

"Tell us everything!" Dawson exclaimed.

"Yes, I want to hear all about it! Was it pretty out th-"

"Could you two shut the hell up and mind your own business?"

Dawson hummed. "Uh, no. I have no business interesting enough to stay occupied with so that's why I'm in yours."

I sighed and just went into my room. I made sure to lock my door so that people could leave me the hell alone. Once I sat down on my bed, I got a call from Ashley. I declined. She called again and then I just let it ring. Then she called again and then I decided to turn my phone off and throw it to the other side of the room.

I lied back on my bed and that's when I entered the world of my mind.

So does this mean I'm gay?

I couldn't be. I liked girls for sure. I always liked girls but now I like boys? Or a boy? What does that even mean?
Does it mean that I have to pick one or the other?

Let's say I were to come out as bi, what will people think of me?

What will my friends think?

Ashley would probably say she knew it or some shit but she would be supportive. James might feel a bit weirded out but he will accept me and after a while probably start making gay jokes with me.

What will my family think?

Dawson and Mai would, of course, be supportive but my parents would kill me.

Maybe I don't even have to tell anyone. It's no one's business. I can just keep it a secret until the day I die. It was just one boy. I can just go back to girls, no biggie.

But Kabelo will notice me distancing myself from him and I really don't want to hurt him like that. I really care about him and I don't know why.

I didn't understand why I thought about him so much and why he never failed to make feel warm and happy. I'd known James my entire life and he never made me feel that way so that was how I knew things were different.

And when I kissed him, it felt...good. It felt like we were supposed to do that but why?

Why me?

I just had to forget about it and keep to myself for a bit. Just until I understood who I really was.

I went to work the next day and I was much more quiet than usual. James even told me that I was walking weird. Was it obvious that I was becoming gay? Did I walk gay? What if I talked gay? How does one even walk and/or talk gay?

"How are you? You seem a bit weird today. Like there's something bothering you."

"I'm fine." I didn't want to talk to him anymore. I might've given something away.

That continued for a few days. I didn't talk to people much, I tried to stay in my room whenever I had the chance and it was all because I was afraid of someone finding out the truth about me. The truth that I barely understood myself.

The truth that I might have been a bit gay.